You see, after the fire that destroyed all of my material possessions when I was tempestuous teenager (a fire that was 100% my fault I might add), my parents took us to Kmart. With the cloyingly thick smell of acrid smoke still on our skin and permanently etched into our nostrils, we were told to pick out new things. We needed everything from the basic hygiene supplies to some clothing to get us through the next few days. Believe me when I say it was not fun. I walked around that store in a tear-stained daze, touching nothing, seeing nothing, feeling only shock and emptiness. Eventually my parents grabbed some unwanted whatever off of the racks for me. To this day, I couldn't tell you what items were given to me from that store, but I can't even drive past it without a cold, hard pit of despair forming in my stomach.
Imagine how difficult it is for me to live with someone who thinks Kmart is the best place to stock up on camping and boating necessities. To be fair, he is right about Kmart's prices for propane being more reasonable than Cabela's, but knowing that doesn't make my smokey-charred memories any less paralyzing as I walk through those taunting automatic doors.
Camping season is quickly approaching and it is time to repair and replenish our outdoor supplies. I ventured out with Hubby to get propane as I prepared myself for the fire memories that were sure to pick at the edges of my conscious, in spite of my determination to ignore old ghosts. We wandered around the outdoor aisles, picking up the propane for our heaters and inspecting camp chairs and mattresses as we casually made mental to-do lists in our heads. We tossed a tea kettle in our cart (for hot chocolate on frosty camping mornings) and decided we had all we needed from that store so we headed for the check-out lanes.
And that is where it got interesting/annoying/humorous.
The growing trend of the cashier being a high-pressure sales person really irks me. A long time ago I made the decision that my charitable donations would all go toward Primary Children's Hospital in my daughter's name. Although this simplified the barrage of requests we get for donations, it can make me seem miserly at times. But due to our strong ties to PCMC, I am confident in my decision to support their charity drives exclusively. Knowing that we were going to be asked to donate to something or other, I had my stock answer in the chamber and was ready to fire.
Holy cow that checker must have been in the running for employee of the month in cash register sales pitches, because I was completely unprepared for the avalanche of offers she was about to sling at us!
"Would you like to donate to the Childrens' Relief Fund?"
"No thank you."
"Do you have a Kmart shopper's card?"
"No thank you."
"Would you like to open one today and save 1%?"
"No, thank you."
"Do you have a Sears reward card?"
"No." (Hubby's sighs are getting more drawn out and I sense we're heading into troubled water.)
"You know, with a Sears card you can save on Craftsman brand and even get bonus points redeemable at Sears."
I'm literally cringing at this point, using every bit of ESP and mind-control I can muster to WILL the lady to shut up. Hubby's ears are turning red and I fear there's about to be a melt-down on aisle one.
"NO. Thank you."
"Would you care to participate in an in-store survey about your shopping experience today? It will only take a moment."
"NO. THANK YOU!"
The credit card scanner was then taken over by that very survey which she promised would only take a moment. I noticed the vein on Hubby's forehead start to pulse.
Exaggerated, exasperate sighs hissed through Hubby's teeth as he slowly said, "Do I HAVE to do this now?"
"Well, if you don't want to then you can just select decline." The cashier was actually pouting and I started to laugh on the inside. This showdown was not leaning in the cashier's favor and she knew it.
"Are you guys going camping? You know we have great sales on our camping gear going on right now, you should check them out."
Hubby and I looked at each other and then grabbed our purchased items and made a dash for the exit. We were laughing as we walked through the parking lot, amazed by the relentless sales-pitch storm we had just endured.
Jokingly, I turned to Hubby and asked, "Have you had your tonsils out? You know you could save 15% if you chose to have them removed today."
Hubby grinned and looked at me sideways. I took that as a good sign so I continued to joke around.
"Would you care to adopt a puppy today? You can select one right here at the register and get bonus reward points!"
"No? How about a Pooch You Like To Smooch card? It will give you discounts on all your pet supplies if you sign up right now."
We were snorting with giggles by the time we got in our Jeep. We shook our heads over the tenacity of the cashier and went on our way, laughing and joking about our experience. And for once, my Kmart ghosts of memories past were completely forgotten."
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