Happy Anniversary!

Seven years ago today, I married my best friend. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, other times it feels as if it were a lifetime ago. The truth is that it is both because I still have a crush on my guy and yet our relationship has grown to be much stronger than it was back then.
Over the last seven years, the love and respect has deepened and we both understand, better than ever before, that marriage is something we have to work at every day.

To my sweet husband I want to say thank you for being my best friend, my strength and my love. I treasure our time together, whether it is kicking your butt at Mario Kart, watching our favorite TV shows, or exploring the outdoors through travel and camping. You are a wonderful father to all of the girls and I am forever grateful that you had the courage to take on such a group! I adore our family.

I promise to always love you(even on the days when I might not "like" you)and I look forward to many more years together. Seven years of marriage and we are just getting started!

I love you, my Sweetheart. Happy Anniversary!

Forty Six Seconds After Midnight

Four or five years ago Emily went on a youth camping trip and I was asked to write her a letter that she would be given on the last night around the campfire. Unfortunately, the leaders goofed and didn't give her the letter that night. It still hurts me to think of my little girl sitting around that fire, watching the other girls read their letters from their parents, thinking she didn't have one. I can imagine her making some light comment about how she was fine, it is all right, etc. Emily is like that. She keeps her emotions hidden, for the most part, unless it is happiness or abundance, and those she simply has too much of to keep bottled up and is almost always bouncy, happy and silly.

I digress.

Anyway, when Em came home from that camping trip, I couldn't wait to hear what she thought of her letter because I had poured my heart out to her in it. For a split second I saw sadness in her eyes when she said, "What letter? I didn't get one." I was mad! I started calling leaders until I found the person who admitted she had the letter and had forgotten to give it to Emily when the rest of the girls were all enjoying their own letters from home. I arranged to have it brought to our house and I gave it to Emily myself, which is the best way to deliver such sentiment anyway! Emily read the letter and I could tell she appreciated what I said about her in it. It made me so happy!

But there's more to the story of the letter.

Not that long ago, Carley lost her phone and we were helping her search the house for it. Since Carley and Emily are best buddies, I thought that Emily's room was the likely place it would be found. I searched the floor, the nightstand, the top of the dresser, and then I decided to start shaking out the bed, one blanket at a time. Keep in mind that this mom does not make beds for the girls. They have been in charge of their own domains since they were old enough to understand consequences for chores left undone. Needless to say, I had not had any reason previously to move Emily's pillows. But on that day, when I moved her pillows to the floor, I was stunned. There under her pillow, was the letter that I had written her years before. Just writing about it chokes me up! My little girl placed so much importance on my thoughts and words that she kept them in the place where they would be near her while she dreamed. How's that for sentiment? I may have written the letter, but Emily turned it into a treasure.

That's my girl. She is completely amazing in the way she continually surprises me. She has this goofy exterior that keeps people guessing about what is going on inside. But I know the truth. She has a heart of gold and she carefully protects it from the outside world, much as the greatest treasures are carefully kept around the world. Hidden and protected, even though we know it is there.

When Emily was born, I was wary of the chaos that had surrounded Carley and Madison's birth just 13 months prior. I was adamant that I wanted none of that this time and I told my family that this time it would just be the key players at the hospital but that they could visit later. The doctor induced me around 6 in the evening but warned that it would likely be a long labor.He reasoned that because Carley and Madi were born via C-section, it would be just like a first time mother in labor and the body would take time adjusting to it. HA! He had no idea (Nor did I!) just who was about to make her grand entrance into the world. The doctor was expecting me to be in labor for 12 hours or more. Emily had different plans.

In true Emily fashion, she was born a mere 46 seconds after midnight. The doctor almost didn't make it there in time. He told us that he had just gone to bed when he got the call to return. Thankfully he was there though, because there was a terrifying few minutes when the nurse announced that she was losing Emily's vitals. Something was very wrong. Emily's cord was wrapped around her neck twice and the life was being strangled out of her. There were shouted commands, nurses running in and out of the room, and just as I began to panic, Emily wailed and announced her presence to the world.

Forty six seconds after midnight, January 10th, 1994. My life would never be the same.


Emily had this amazing ability to wrap people around her tiny fingers. Carley and Madi were in awe of her. Who was this little creature who rarely cried, smiled so huge that her face transformed, and who loved smacking and pulling hair, much to the delighted giggles and pained screams of her older twin sisters? Grandma Thomas warned us that it is the quiet ones you have to be careful of, presumably because they would turn into terrors as they grew up.

Emily was definitely precocious. She knew what she wanted and would settle for nothing less. NO was not a word in her vocabulary. In fact, if you told her no, she would smile sweetly, do what she wanted anyway, and then return for a hug. It was as if she was saying, "Oh silly mother! I understand you have a job to do. Just don't move and I will be there to apologize in a minute." She was never a "bad" girl, she was just busy and wanted to explore everything. Looking back on it now, I have to smile because she is still a lot like that, and I try not to tell her no.

Emily hasn't had an easy childhood in any sense. She was hospitalized several times as an infant for RSV, asthma and pneumonia. The doctor's couldn't give us a reason for her respiratory problems and we spent many nights making emergency trips to PCMC when our baby girl was in distress. But there was a bigger medical issue lurking that we didn't understand and Emily's life was in constant peril because of it. She had survived all of the respiratory ailments and an operation to open her tear ducts, but when she began having frightening swelling and redness around her mouth and eyes, no one could understand it. I will never forget sitting in the doctor's waiting room with my 2 year old Emily whose eyes were bruised looking and swollen shut. Other parents glared accusingly at me - they probably thought she had been abused. The doctors told us that day that she probably got soap in her eyes. They flushed her eyes, gave her benedryl and sent us home. It would take several more terrifying trips to the doctor before we figured out what it was that made Emily swell so terribly.

Peanut Allergy.

I don't remember the exact moment of the epiphany, but I do know that our lives changed forever when we finally figured it out. Emily could not eat, touch or even smell peanuts or peanut products without triggering an immediate and severe allergic reaction. Unfortunately, because it had taken us so long to figure it out, her little body reacted by going into anaphylactic shock when she was exposed to peanuts. We had to declare war on peanuts.

I refer to it as a war because I never fought so hard to make people understand. No one wanted to believe us! Emily had to endure taunting from classmates, parent helpers purposely putting her in harm's way (here, hold a peanut butter coated pine cone!)and even a school secretary who had the nerve to tell me that she personally saw Emily eat a peanut butter cookie and therefore knew that Emily was not allergic. EXCUSE ME? Not possible lady! I remember telling her that I'd like to see her approach someone in a wheelchair and tell them that she knew they were faking. I didn't waste much time on her though. I called the district and brought the war to them. That secretary retired a short time later, but not before she tearfully apologized to me. I know she truly felt remorseful about what she had done, but I was not sorry to see her go. I like to think that by laying all the groundwork for Emily to be safe in school, maybe we made it easier for another allergic child somewhere down the road.

Emily started her first year of High School this year and it is the first time in many years that I have not asked for a meeting with the school staff to put safety measures in place that would protect Emily from potentially deadly exposure to peanuts at school. It is important for me that Emily learn to manage her own health so that she will always be OK. I can't always be there to protect my girl, so I must trust her to be vigilant on her own. But the truth is that I will always worry about her.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are everywhere and they are our nemesis, even if they are delicious! Mistakes can happen anywhere, even in our own home. We unknowingly brought peanut chip cookies into our home one year(a Christmas plate of goodies) and we nearly lost our Em that night when she ate a bite. I will forever be grateful for my brave husband who didn't hesitate to inject Emily with the epinephrine that saved her life. I never want to go through that again so be careful, Emily!

One of Emily's greatest qualities is her gift for entertaining. She loves to sing, act and make people smile any way that she can. She has a great group of friends who are much like her that way, and we have been treated to many occasions when they all burst into song together, laugh and dance around the room. Great kids! I have many great memories of show choir concerts, plays and other events where Emily performed and made us all so proud!



Emily, you are one of the sweetest people I have ever known. You are almost always happy and have a gift for cheering up everyone around you. I love the way your happiness and silly antics are contagious! You were not given the nickname of "Happiness Concentrate" for nothing. I hope that you always have the courage to follow your dreams, and don't be afraid to dream big. I adore your smile, your laughter, your hugs, and the way you like to kiss people on the nose when they are sad. You are the light of our family and we are so grateful for your wacky personality! You have an inner strength that not many people possess - always use it to do good things in life. Continue to share your happiness and strength with those around you and you will always be blessed.

I love you, sweet girl! Happy 16th Birthday!!!!

Carley and Madison

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much my life has changed and the most important changes began 17 years ago with the birth of my first two daughters. I definitely had no idea what I was in for when the doctor told me I was having twin girls. I was young (21), excited, and oh so naive! I eagerly awaited their arrival and imagined getting to know the two little strangers who would one day become two of my best friends.

The afternoon they were born was cold and snowy. We had so much snow that winter that we literally had to walk through a snow cave to get out of our apartment and to the car. We were at the hospital around 3pm and had to wait around until 5:50 but then it all happened quickly. Doctors, nurses and parents all getting ready for an early Christmas gift!

At 5lbs 11oz, Madison was born first and she didn't cry much. I heard a little bit of crying but mostly squeeking. At 5lbs 4oz Carley was born only a minute later and she was so quiet. She looked around the room and then rubbed a tiny fist over her eyes and went back to sleep. Already, little boo was bored and figured she'd sleep until things got more exciting.

I remember that Madison looked at me through eyes that seemed old and wise. And I wished she could tell me what she was thinking. I had the feeling that if I could communicate with her, she would have wonders and secrets to share with me. She had this adorable little smirk that let everyone know she knew things that we didn't... She still does that to this day!

Next they bundled Carley up and handed her to me in bed. She had the biggest blue eyes! I held her closely as they wheeled me to the recovery room where EVERYONE was waiting! Grandparents, Aunts, cousins, NINE people waited to meet the babies! In this age of Swine Flu and RSV, that would never in a million years happen now!

It was chaotic in that room and I was shaking from morphine. But the whole world stopped when my mom told me that Carley was blue! Panic struck me harder than I had ever felt it before. I remember pushing the nurse call button over and over but it had not been hooked up. I heard someone yell for the nurse who came running and took Carley away.

In a room full of people, I cried out of fear and a feeling of helplessness. I had been a mom less than an hour and I didn't know how to handle the fear that I felt for my little baby.

Later they told us that Carley had quit breathing and kept forgetting to breathe every few minutes. They took her to the NICU where they hooked her up to multiple IVs and monitored her breathing very closely. It was also discovered that she couldn't stay warm. To this day, my Carley loves her blankets and sweatshirts... she started that from day one, I believe.

A few days later we all went home together. I began the long, and sometimes difficult, process of learning how to care for two little people. Carley was a snuggle bug who insisted on being held constantly or she would cry. Madie was quiet and liked to check people out. I always felt that she was studying the world - as if she had to learn as much as she could, as quickly as possible.


My girls, my heart.


The years brought so many challenges and even greater happiness. I watched Carley's budding art interest (walls, doors, furniture, any surface would do!), and I watched Madie continue to study the world around her. Madie loved working on the computer with her dad, and her favorite word was, "why?"

My first two daughters taught me about mothering. In an instant they transformed me and it was no longer about me. I would do anything for them and over the years I made what sacrifices I could to ensure their happiness. They have not disappointed me!

Carley, you are a quiet soul who thinks of the world in artistic ways. You find beauty in color, light, and texture... all of the things that the great artists discovered and explored before you. I love how you are a Mama Bear in training. I see you figuring out how to negotiate peace and how to care for those around you and it makes me so proud. You are determined,courageous and kind. Those qualities will take you far in this world. Never lose your compassion and keep exploring!

Madie, ever the scientist... I know you love it when you get to teach me something new - but you know what? You have been teaching me about many things for the past 17 years! You have taught me about life! Knowledge is your strength and your passion. Use it to continue to do great things. I am so proud of all of your accomplishments and for the way you seek out new challenges. Don't ever let setbacks keep you from exploring. Learn and grow from all things around you and you will always be successful.

My girls, you are the very foundation of my soul. I can't remember what I ever did without you in my life! Thank you for making me a mother 17 years ago... and every day since then! Through you I have experienced the joys of childhood and I have looked at everything through new eyes. You have been my redemption and I am so lucky to be your mom! I love you both so much!

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY, SWEET GIRLS!!!

Och! That’s Guid!

Whew what a weekend! We had such a fantastically fun weekend but it definitely left us exhausted and wondering where the time went! However, these are the moments that I always talk about - the ones that will create lifelong memories of the highest quality.

All week my sister and I had been discussing a book that we have eagerly anticipated for 4 years. Missy read it in a day. Let me repeat that.. Missy read it in ONE DAY! I, on the other hand, have had the 800+ page book in my possession for 6 days now and have not yet made it to page 200. I have told Missy and my girls that this simply means I am taking my time to enjoy it slowly.. After all, it will be at least 4 years before there is a new one – but the truth is that I don’t often have time to do nothing else but curl up in my favorite comfy spot in the sunny front room to read. As much as reading is my passion, it sometimes seems that I need to schedule blocks of time for it and wave my family off with bright neon orange flags if they dare approach or even think of speaking to me when I’m in the reading zone. Maybe I could cordon off an entire room and post big signs that read, “Don’t bother me, I’m READING!”

I know it is killing Missy that I am working my way through the book at a snail’s pace. She wants someone who can gush over the details with her and I’m not quite there yet. It is the same as putting a mouth-watering chocolate cake in front of a kid and making that kid eat it.. One. Crumb. At. A. Time. Torture, right? But my lack of speed reading skills has not stopped us from spending our days sending instant messages back and forth about how much we love the characters, the setting, the country said characters come from, and again.. the characters! We purr like kittens as we discuss the leading male’s characteristics that are so far from realistic but we don’t care! We laugh in the face of fiction and want to know where we can sign up and how much we have to hock to get our own leading man! *sigh* I get it that this is fiction. I get it that no real man can possess that much sex appeal, charm, strength, romance and sensitivity. I get it, OK? My poor husband can only hope that I finish the book, put it on the shelf with all of the other books that make me give him sideways glances from a distance, and get back to appreciating his washer-fixing skills like any other normal 21st century wife should!

As I was saying, this appreciation of All Things Scottish went back and forth between my sister and I pretty much all week. Then she came up with the best idea ever! We decided that we would have a Scottish-themed dinner party where we would serve only authentic Scottish food and the rule would be that if you wanted to speak, it had to be with a Scottish accent or in Gaelic. We were so excited as we worked out the details! Our biggest problem was not that we would be making intentional fools of ourselves as we tried to speak according to our rules… no, our problem was that Scottish food isn’t extremely appealing. As we searched through recipes on the Internet, we learned that Scottish food is mostly fish, oats and whiskey! Now, my kids aren't picky eaters, but I didn’t see how I was going to make this one work and still be authentic AND have sober guests (kids)! I should also thank Missy for the many giggles and snorts as we researched and planned.. especially for the picture she sent me of the Haddock when I confessed my ignorance. Who knew that haddocks could be so cute!

Eventually we decided on a menu for our Scottish dinner party. The girls, Missy and I read through hundreds of recipes before finalizing our choices:
• Auld Alliance Beef in Claret – Beef cubes cooked for 3 hours in Claret with fresh herbs, mushrooms, onion and bacon
• Chicken in the Heather – Whole chicken basted with Heather Honey, curry, garlic and fresh herbs
• Colcannon or Rumbledethumps – Potatoes mashed with cream and butter, to which we added chopped , sautéed cabbage.
• Baby Asparagus Spears – blanched for 3 minutes, lightly buttered and seasoned.
• Cranachan – Freshly whipped cream with oats and whiskey, served parfait style with fresh raspberries and homemade shortbread


For the girls we also had authentic-ish drinks made from mixing pear nectar with ginger ale. The adults drank stout beer and there were pre-mixed Rum Hurricanes for me because I’ve never been able to acquire a taste for beer. We were unexpectedly thrilled with how tasty everything turned out! In fact, my husband declared, “That was the best chicken I’ve ever had in my life!”We giggled our way through the Cranachan dessert.. the kids, never having tasted anything resembling whiskey before, much preferred the shortbread and raspberries over the cream – but it was authentic and it was so fun that our sides hurt from laughing and our cheeks ached from smiling. But Missy, I mean it when I say that I liked the cream! I just had to get used to the whiskey flavor since it isn't a taste that I have very often. As the evening went on, we actually didn’t do much speaking in accents or Gaelic, but when we did give it a whirl we would giggle and laugh anew!

Originally we had wanted to watch a Scottish-themed movie as part of our immersion experience, so earlier in the week I picked one up at the rental store. In my defense, let me say that I remember Highlander being much better than it actually was! But again we laughed and giggled our way through the movie so it wasn’t a total loss. We ended the night by playing Pinochle. I hadn’t played since junior high so it was a learning experience for all of us except Missy. She and her partner, Carley, kicked our butts! Thankfully, Bill was able to sleep through our rowdy hilarity because he had to work very early the next morning!

Scottish night was a blast! We learned some Gaelic, learned about the cuisine of Scotland, and most importantly we spent quality time together that we will always treasure. We are already planning our next International themed dinner!

My Babies Are Officially Teenagers!

How can I properly pay tribute to the two little girls who defied the odds many times over? I began writing this entry on the morning of their birthday but try as I might, I could not find the words to adequately capture the spirit of the day - the day my little girls turned thirteen. All day my heart overflowed with emotion and I can only hope I am able convey to my girls how amazing and special they truly are. Abby and Linzie, you are both precious gifts to your family - on your birthday and every other day of the year. Never lose the strength, love and tenacity that you both possess, for I believe that those qualities are the very reasons why you are with us today.


Amid the chaos of our everyday lives, it is easy to forget that Abby and Linzie are walking miracles. As a young mother, I had desperately hoped for a second set of twins, but I did not count on the risks we would encounter… the heartache we would face, and the ultimate joy we would experience when the toughest challenges were conquered.

Twin to Twin Transfusion is not as hopeless for babies as it once was, but thirteen years ago the life saving surgery was still experimental and I could not predict what the future would hold for my precious, unborn daughters. I never gave up though.. and every time we encountered problems, I only had to think of the vivid dream I had (before I even knew I was expecting) about a little girl with dark curls who had told me her name was Linzie and that she had a sister who looked exactly like her. So we dug in our heels and prepared for the fight of our lives… the fight for their lives.

The pregnancy was anything but normal. At 18 weeks I traveled to Milwaukee for experimental LASER surgery to try and save Abby and Linzie's lives. It was risky, but I knew in my heart that it was our best hope and so I went. After the surgery, I had to be careful to limit my activity so the babies could continue to grow. It was a long summer filled with hopes and dreams. Not once did I regret the decisions I had made for their sake.


Born 7 weeks early into the too bright and too loud world, Abby was a tiny 2lbs 12 oz, and Linzie was 4lbs 14oz. Not even an hour after her birth, I was told that Linzie had a very dangerous heart condition and she had to be life-flighted to Primary Children’s Medical Center. I remember feeling devastated that we had come so far, beat so many odds, only to be blindsided by this news. I watched through my tears as they brought my tiny girl to my bedside so I could tell her goodbye. And then, just as quickly, they were gone. My heart hurt in a way I had never experienced before. I was angry that I was unable to accompany my baby in her time of need, and I struggled to accept the fact that we were once again locked in a desperate, life or death battle.. before we had even had time to breathe and celebrate their birth.

And so I cried.

The next day, I was allowed to see Abby in the NICU. After the sterilizing procedures, I was wheeled in to a room that smelled sharply of antiseptic and I searched through the maze of isolettes to find one that indicated my tiny girl was inside. I was not allowed to hold her, but I could reach through the portal and touch her tiny form… her entire hand was smaller than the end of my thumb. I wondered if she even knew who I was. I talked to Abby and told her how much I loved her… and I promised her that she was not alone. I told her that all of her sisters missed her very much and I hoped she and Linzie would both fight hard to get well so we could be together again.




I was released from the hospital on day three and insisted on going directly to PCMC to see Linzie. My little girl was beautiful, even amid the multitude of tubes, wires and monitors that engulfed her tiny body. I was so overwhelmed and so completely helpless. As a mother I am supposed to protect and care for my children.. but there was nothing I could do to help my baby. I could only love her and talk to her, and encourage her to fight.

When I eventually left Linzie’s bedside and headed home, I felt shattered. My family was scattered around the valley… Linzie was at PCMC, Abby at LDS NICU, and my other three little girls waited at home. I felt out of place and time and that feeling became my constant for the next month. I struggled with feeling angry toward innocent people who had the nerve to enjoy the beautiful fall days.. I struggled with feelings of guilt as I left Carley, Madie and Emily with babysitters every day so that I could visit the babies at the hospitals. And I struggled with a feeling of failure because I felt that I somehow should have done it better.


Our ICU experience lasted a month.. a month of highs and lows. I made friends in the NICU and cried when those friends experienced loss. I struggled with guilt as my girls got stronger while some babies around us lost their valiant fight. It was only a month and yet it changed my life. Since then I have seen my sister go through health trials with her children and I have friends who continue fighting the terrible battle for their children’s lives. Abby and Linzie taught me about the things that are truly important and it is a lesson I will never forget. As long as I have my girls, there is nothing I am lacking.


The years have flown by. My babies grew up and through it all we laughed, loved and experienced the purest joy of life. Linzie’s heart is strong and her compassion mighty. Abby started out so small and yet her spirit is giant. They are my true miracles and I cannot believe that it has been thirteen years! I am so grateful that I get to witness their lives and experience the joy each one brings to our family. I love you girls!



Abby, you are my little love bug. You are so full of compassion for your family and animals and you love to help your parents no matter what the task. I look at you now and marvel at the thought of you being born weighing a scant 2lbs 12oz. You have always been a fighter, and it is that strength that will help you navigate your way through life. You bring so much joy to everyone around you - and that gut laugh you have when you see an animal do something silly is one of the greatest pleasures on the planet! Abby, when you laugh you light up the room! I love seeing you excel at all you do and I know that there is nothing you cannot do, once you put your mind to it. Thank you for being my sweet Abby Julia - we love you so much! You make your parents proud every day!

Linzie, even before you were born you were doing your best to take care of your twin sister, Abby. You did the work for the two of you and a stronger, more compassionate heart I've never seen! Everyone that knows you is proud of all that you accomplish, and you seem to do it all with ease! Every conference I have ever had with one of your teachers has been a breeze because you work so hard at everything you set out to do. I also love it that you love books as much as I do, and I hope you never lose that thirst for knowledge. I love your smiles, your hugs and your kindness. You make it so easy for us to be your parents...we love you!



We had a great day of birthday celebration that started out with presents, waffles and Thirteen Going On 30.. followed by a strange movie (9) and a fun dinner at Garcias. I hope the two of you enjoyed your special day!