Never Completely Grown Up

Sunday evening was bliss.  After playing Kinect with the girlies for hours, I sort of wandered up to my room to attend to my Sunday evening routine. I was putting away laundry and getting ready to change the sheets on the bed. This is a weekend routine that I really enjoy. Nothing beats the comfiness of a freshly made bed! My favorite part about it is plopping down on the perfectly smoothed comforter, a mountain of pillows behind me and my laptop nearby so I can happily surf some favorite blogs.

See? Bliss!  But wait, it gets better!

It wasn't long before Carley found me. Carley also loves a freshly made bed.  As I surfed blogs, Carley picked up my iPod touch and began to play one of her favorite games with it.  Somehow I ended up on iTunes and began to explore the music for sale there.  Previously, I was one of the bad people who downloaded buckets of free music from Limewire. Yeah, yeah, I know it was wrong.  Anyway, since Limewire no longer exists I have given in to the limitations of actually paying for my music. The problem is that I find this type of music browsing extremely addictive and I end up buying more than I should. It didn't help that one of my besties was right there on the freshly made bed with me... and she loves music as much as I do.... and she was encouraging me to keep buying the tunes that made our toes tap.

This toe-tapping, music buying frenzy went on for hours.  About four hours to be exact.

The evening was fun and restorative. I felt happy and at peace with my surroundings. This was a big deal to me! We reluctantly decided it was time for the girlies to call it a night and head to bed shortly before 10PM.  Around our house, the process of going to bed includes braiding hair (for the perfectly crimped look), brushing teeth, and saying "Goodnight" at least 4 separate times each... so it takes at least 30 minutes for the kidlets to actually get to their rooms once the "Time for bed" prompt has been given.  I had no idea that the normal routine was about to take a turn for the goofy!

Carley had just finished braiding Linzie's hair and was preparing to head to her room when she noticed my Homedics therapeutic massager on the floor next to the bed. I originally purchased it about 11 years ago after I had three back surgeries in 6 months.. sometimes it is the only thing that can help ease the constant pain that I still endure.  Truthfully, I hadn't even had it out of the closet for many years because I had tucked it back behind a bunch of random shoe boxes and thought I must have accidentally given it away. 

Anyway....

Carley picked up the massager and said something along the lines of, "What IS this thing?" I explained to her what it was and told her to try it out. She was skeptical... it does look a bit intimidating.  I grinned as she carefully put it against her arm and then busted out laughing at the look of heaven that came over her.  She declared it the perfect treatment for her tired artist's hands!  I told her if she thought that felt good then she should try putting it on her back and THAT is how the hilarity began!


My goofy girls began running it up and down each others' backs, cracking up when one person would curl into a ball as it reached their ticklish necks. Suddenly they were acting like they were four years old again, reaching and grabbing it away from each other and oh how we laughed! I watched them bounce it on their noggins, turn their voices robotic by placing it on their backs or throat, and they died laughing when they realized if they placed it just right then their vision would get rattled.

So much for bedtime!

The playfulness and gut laughing went on for at least 30 minutes. Each time someone new would wander into the room to see what all the noise was about, the games would start anew.  I was enchanted by my teenage girls giving me a glimpse into their past. Without realizing it, they were reenacting what they used to do when they were little. In the process of shedding their little selves for more grown up versions, they had forgotten they were intrigued by the same object more than 10 years earlier and their antics were nearly the same. I loved seeing their "little" personalities again!

These girls are my heart and my happiness!

It was a perfect end to a perfect evening. We downloaded and shared great music, laughed until we were sick, and completely enjoyed each others' company.  That is my favorite kind of evening!

Birthdays BBQs and Hawaii - Oh MY!

We have been living a car insurance slogan over the last week and there simply has not been time to sit down and properly document everything. But no matter how busy life gets, one thing is constant and true -  I adore my family! My husband and girls are the best gift anyone could ever wish for and even though we have our ups and downs, as everyone does, we are livin' the good life right here, right now!

Here are just a few of the highlights from our busy, busy week!

Life Comes At You Fast!

• Ashley flew in from Georgia. Yay!
• Finally made the decision to spend my inheritance from Grandpa Robinson on a new lens for my camera. I think he would be pleased that we are constantly documenting our journey on this trip we call life.
• Memorial Day cemetery road trip on my 39th birthday- I loaded all 6 of the kiddos in the Durango and we drove to Brigham City, Logan and Smithfield to place flowers on the graves of our departed loved ones.
• A mere 6 hours later we rushed home to hold a celebratory birthday bbq at our house. Tons of fun and the food was excellent! Can I just say that I LOVE hanging out on our beautiful deck and sharing lots of laughter with family and friends?
• Monday morning - more cemetery trips. This time we went to the cemetery where Grandma and Grandpa Robinson were laid to rest. That one still hurts and probably always will. I miss them every day! The flowers were beyond beautiful though, and although the concession stands at the cemetery were a little odd, the bagpipes were a very nice touch.
• Girls were sick so we had to cut the cemetery trip short. :( We came home and chilled out, which means no one really remembers what we did. haha!
• Back to school for the girls and I on Tuesday.. bleh. We just had to get through the week!
• Tuesday was also Bill's birthday! We grilled (again) and then played Mario Kart. Good times!                                           Happy4-Oh sweetheart!
• SYTYCD!! Oh Yeah! Bring it on! We love to watch this dance series in the summer. That is good quality family time right there.
• More sniffles, coughs, aches and ickness. :(
• Have we spent enough time on our deck yet? No? How about the first brick oven pizza night of the year then? Shaweet!
• What? You want to have "Mexican Food Night" at our house tomorrow? Sounds like a good time! Margaritas anyone?
• Telestrations! If you have not played this game, we highly recommend it! Where else will you have to be able to draw and understand things such as: Whale Fly, Giant Flying Squid, Stink Death, Wheelchair Factory, Fish Murderer AND Led Zepplin? Seriously, we laughed until we were sick!
• Mario and more Mario. Summer fun is here and we are enjoying it!
• HAWAII IN FIVE DAYS!! It is going to be a tough week to endure, but by this time next week we will be chillaxin on The Big Island! I am certain that the pics and stories will make for some great blogging, so stay tuned!

My Heart Overflows

Yesterday was our annual day to head up to the mountain to cut Christmas trees at the tree farm. This tradition of ours has been going on longer than I can remember and it is something that we all look forward to every year. In fact, we bought the perfect artificial tree last year- it's colorful, whimsical and even Seussical - and yet we still had to make our pilgrimage to the mountain.. not to get a tree, but to get our yearly dose of wandering among the thistles and burrs, hearing the far off laughter of loved ones echo faintly in the distance, watching my girls transform into their younger selves as they run and play and hide among the towering pines... and to capture it all in pictures.
You can take away the Turkey feasts, the frenzied Christmas shopping and all of the extras we enjoy, but I will never give up time with my family. And time spent on that mountain is magical. No gift could ever put smiles on my children's faces like a few hours in the crisp air, surrounded by Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents.

When I stepped out of the car and walked toward the old camper where Roy always waits patiently for our family to find The Perfect Tree, I was stunned to see my frail little Grandpa sitting there. Since Grandma's passing, Grandpa has continued to become more fragile and we are achingly aware that our remaining time with him is very short. I didn't expect to see him yesterday at the mountain, I was prepared for the hollow event it would be without the family patriarch teasing Dorothy about how long it takes her to select The Perfect Tree, and yet there he was. I felt my eyes stinging with sudden tears. We had been given a gift. At least one more tradition with Grandpa by our side.
Grandpa can't see very well anymore, but that doesn't stop him from smiling big whenever someone comes near to greet him with hugs and kisses. He is so kind and so gentle.. just being near him yesterday filled my heart with gratitude. He made a point to tell me that he felt Grandma near and I know he was right. I felt her too and I gave silent thanks for the posterity that they created. There is no gift greater than family and my grandparents did a fine job at that.

Even though we knew we weren't there to get a tree, we happily wandered around and helped other family members select and cut trees of their own. The kids were playing and posing for pictures, the dogs were enjoying the time in new territory and I made sure to document as much as I could so that we will always remember.
Today we will spend the day as a family, cooking and preparing for guests to join us for dinner. Some of the girls are already awake and I know the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade will be another fun tradition that we won't miss as we busy ourselves in the kitchen. Today will be fun, but nothing can compare to our day on the mountain yesterday. My heart was so full that I cried all the way home. I am so thankful for my family and for one more day with Grandpa.
I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life. There is nothing that I am lacking when I am surrounded by family. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

When Everything Is Perfect

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I heard the most wonderful sound in the whole world and it filled my heart with something that felt a lot like sparklers.

I heard my husband and two of my little girls gut laughing from the room below - the room with the ginormous television, and computers, and Yuffas perched on the couch.

They were watching America's Funniest Home Videos and they later informed me that they had just seen Santa fall head first, down the stairs, bouncing along on his back the entire way.

And so they laughed. :)

Dear Universe,

Thank you ever so much for my beautiful, wonderful family! They are the breath in my soul and the reason I am here. I promise to take the very best care of them and lock each and every one of them in my heart where I will love them forever.

Sincerely,
Me

Laughter and Tears

Linzie had a doctor appointment Tuesday afternoon, and because it was literally right around the corner from Grandma and Grandpa Robinson's house, we weren't about to miss an opportunity to spend some time with them. When Carley learned of our intentions, she didn't hesitate to tag along. Smart girl. (Sweet, loving and sensitive girl.)

Grandma seemed to be having a better day than the last time we had visited and that made me very happy. However, these visits are always unbearably painful because there is no possibility for a happy ending. It lifted my heart to hear that Grandma's voice was strong, her thoughts lucid and her laughter was music to my ears...and suddenly I found myself wanting to cling to her as a child would, and beg her not to go. But the truly heart-wrenching moment was when my Aunt Dorothy told me that she had something she wanted to share with us, and when she hit the play button on the tape recorder... my Grandma's sweet voice unexpectedly filled the cozy room with a beautiful (and searingly painful) song accompanied by her own gifted fingers expertly playing her piano.

Here’s a little song to help you get along.
It will see you through when you’re feeling blue.
And though it’s not profound when you’re feeling down, so down,
Sing this little tune, and you’ll feel better soon.
You’re not alone, even when you’re feeling on your own,
You are loved in ways that can’t be shown; your needs are known;
You’re not alone.
And when you cry, you’re just letting go of heartache deep inside,
And tomorrow there’ll be sunshine and sky and love close by;
You’re not alone.
And we know that it’s not easy, but we know that it won’t last,
’cause one that loves you more than me is sending blessings fast.
You’re not alone, say it one more time,
“I’m not alone,”
And even when it’s hard to find the words, our prayers are heard;
We’re not alone.
You’re not alone.

The song was immediately followed by another recording, equally haunting, of my Grandma playing her piano and singing along to "As I have Loved You." I struggled unsuccessfully to contain my tears as I heard Mom softly singing along, and my heart broke as I saw my mom and my aunt, weeping silently as they gazed at their fragile mother with such tremendous and perfect love. Even my sweet Grandma cried tears of her own as she listened to her music and confessed that she could not recall when she had made that recording. That achingly beautiful moment in my Grandmother's living room is undoubtedly the most precious and profound experience of my life... and I'd give it all back in a heartbeat if it could somehow be traded for more time with her.

I learned that day that Grandma and Grandpa have Wisteria planted along their front porch. How could I not know this? Wisteria has always been my favorite flower and I have several young Wisteria plants of my own at home. Mom told us that they were stunned to see that the Wisteria had started a second bloom the other day.. something that vine has never done before. My mom told us that together they were able to carefully maneuver to the porch to view the delicate purple flowers as the morning sun peeked over the mountaintop. She described it to me as a perfect moment, one that I am so glad she shared with us.

The more I think about that Wisteria vine, the more I like to think that it could be a simple message of hope to those of us who are holding on so tightly - out of love, sadness and even desperate fear of losing those we love... I can imagine that message being something along the lines of , "Have faith that all things will be right again, because even as cherished blooms fade, there are other wondrous blessings in store as long as we remember to keep our eyes open for them."

We also laughed that day as we reminisced about the past, and we teased Mom and Dorothy about how silly they are whenever they get together. Remembering to laugh... that's the hardest thing to do right now because "normal" has changed and it would be so easy to give in to the sadness, but that would not honor Grandma's graceful spirit. So we try to grieve sparingly and cherish each and every moment we have right now.

Funny Moment of the Day:

Carley: "Abby and Linzie have always been opposite in everything they do. But they are the same because of it..that they are opposite makes them the same."

(Linzie and I giggled as we exchanged puzzled looks.)

Linzie: "That doesn't make any sense!"

Carley: "Shut up Linzie, you're making me sound stupid."

Linzie: (laughing)"I'm not the one talking!"