Mixed Emotions

After work tonight, I headed over to Mom's where my little ones had gathered hours earlier. I was so happy to be there.. it has been much too long since I've had a face to face conversation with Mom, Dad and my closest sister.  The hours spent there did not disappoint. We were each overflowing with thoughts and experiences we have kept bottled up for too long and the conversation tumbled out of us like a dam that had finally burst.

I love my family.

I love how easily we step back into our close friendships even after weeks have gone by. I love how we share inside jokes and especially the way we are always discovering new things that we have in common but somehow overlooked before. This easy, comforting rhythm of family is something that I cherish with every ounce of my soul.

I have worked so hard to raise my beautiful Little Women with values that will guide them throughout their lives. Kindness is our number one requirement. Ask my girls what I expect from them most and they will tell you it is kindness. I one hundred percent believe that if you have a kind heart, everything else will fall into place. I have also guided my girls to be giving in everything they have and everything they are. My girls have been raised to give help in worldly ways whenever possible, and more importantly, to give their own time and talents to others as often as they can. Hopefully they don't grow too tired of me telling them that if they follow these simple rules, they will be successful in life beyond monetary gain. They will feel peace in their hearts and others will follow their example.

I was very proud tonight to hear that my sister had been speaking highly of my wonderful girls over the weekend. There's no greater reward than for a mother to hear that her children are recognized and loved for their sweet spirits. (I feel a swelling pride just writing this.) But another conversation quickly followed that brought the harsh past to light and it left me with conflicting emotions... this painful past is something I try not to revisit very often.

Years ago, I had to make the agonizing decision to distance myself from a family member. I won't go into the specifics, but I had to cut all ties in order to protect my family and it was a decision I did not make lightly. I know my actions have caused my parents and my favorite siblings a lot of heartache over the years and that makes me sad. But because I have worked so hard to create a family based on love and all things good and trustworthy, I felt it was necessary to shield my family from the destructive elements that were tearing us apart.  All these years I have struggled with the knowledge that the person who wronged my family never felt bad for actions that were completely opposite of everything my family believes in. It's impossible not to wonder how different life could have been had family been more important than greed.

Tonight it was revealed to me that this estranged family member admitted to feeling sorry for actions taken against my family so long ago. However, a discussion quickly followed about how that person will likely never apologize even though there might be sorrow for the path those actions lead all of us down. Frankly, I find that hard to accept.

I feel compelled to add one more life lesson for my girls here... If you have wronged someone, admit your mistake and apologize as soon as possible. Do everything possible to correct the situation and make amends for your mistake. Ignoring mistakes, especially ones that are hurtful to others, will damage your life in ways that you may not fully understand for a long time, and when that realization comes.. you just might find yourself with no one left to turn to.

Kindness absolutely matters.