My Heart Overflows

Yesterday was our annual day to head up to the mountain to cut Christmas trees at the tree farm. This tradition of ours has been going on longer than I can remember and it is something that we all look forward to every year. In fact, we bought the perfect artificial tree last year- it's colorful, whimsical and even Seussical - and yet we still had to make our pilgrimage to the mountain.. not to get a tree, but to get our yearly dose of wandering among the thistles and burrs, hearing the far off laughter of loved ones echo faintly in the distance, watching my girls transform into their younger selves as they run and play and hide among the towering pines... and to capture it all in pictures.
You can take away the Turkey feasts, the frenzied Christmas shopping and all of the extras we enjoy, but I will never give up time with my family. And time spent on that mountain is magical. No gift could ever put smiles on my children's faces like a few hours in the crisp air, surrounded by Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents.

When I stepped out of the car and walked toward the old camper where Roy always waits patiently for our family to find The Perfect Tree, I was stunned to see my frail little Grandpa sitting there. Since Grandma's passing, Grandpa has continued to become more fragile and we are achingly aware that our remaining time with him is very short. I didn't expect to see him yesterday at the mountain, I was prepared for the hollow event it would be without the family patriarch teasing Dorothy about how long it takes her to select The Perfect Tree, and yet there he was. I felt my eyes stinging with sudden tears. We had been given a gift. At least one more tradition with Grandpa by our side.
Grandpa can't see very well anymore, but that doesn't stop him from smiling big whenever someone comes near to greet him with hugs and kisses. He is so kind and so gentle.. just being near him yesterday filled my heart with gratitude. He made a point to tell me that he felt Grandma near and I know he was right. I felt her too and I gave silent thanks for the posterity that they created. There is no gift greater than family and my grandparents did a fine job at that.

Even though we knew we weren't there to get a tree, we happily wandered around and helped other family members select and cut trees of their own. The kids were playing and posing for pictures, the dogs were enjoying the time in new territory and I made sure to document as much as I could so that we will always remember.
Today we will spend the day as a family, cooking and preparing for guests to join us for dinner. Some of the girls are already awake and I know the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade will be another fun tradition that we won't miss as we busy ourselves in the kitchen. Today will be fun, but nothing can compare to our day on the mountain yesterday. My heart was so full that I cried all the way home. I am so thankful for my family and for one more day with Grandpa.
I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people in my life. There is nothing that I am lacking when I am surrounded by family. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I am thankful for...

Thanksgiving is this week, and while I don't need a holiday to make me appreciate all of the blessings in my life, I am grateful that there is a holiday to celebrate all of the wonderful people in my life all at once.

So here it goes.



I Am Thankful For:

My super cute husband who kisses me tenderly each morning before he goes to work. I'm usually still sleeping but he does it anyway and I love him for that!


Being a mom to 6 wonderful, smart, talented and kind girls.

Memories of my Grandma. I miss her so much.

Twilight movies that give my mom a reason to smile and something to look forward to.

Having an older brother who is mysterious and amazing. Definitely the smartest dude I've ever known!

Having a family that believes in loving nicknames. Chacho, Chacha, KarKar, Mac, Binza, JJ, Shla, Emmers, M-bear, among others.

My children's smiles and laughter. Laughter lit up the house last night and I went to bed with a warm and happy heart.

The fact that there are no "steps" in our house. We may be a blended family, but he is their dad and she is my girl. We are not a "step family" We. Are. Family!

My little brother and how hard he has worked to be where he is at today. I am so proud of him for working through his obstacles. He is such a cute dad and my girls' favorite uncle.

Little hands that find their way into mine when we are watching movies. They're never too old to hold their mom's hand.

Hugs and kisses goodnight, and loving goodbyes in the morning as my girls head off to school.

Fantastic friends that keep in touch even after I change jobs.

New job opportunities that teach me that not all bosses are jerks.

A thoughtful husband that sweeps and mops on his day off so that I freak out a little less over the dogs in the house.

The holidays that make my children's eyes glow with excitement.. not because of gifts, but because they love sharing surprises and spending time together.

Singing Christmas songs with my girls, in the car, as the snow falls.

Seeing my husband's huge smile as he escorts his little girl to our waiting vehicle at the airport. We are so happy that she is back with us for the holiday!

Plans to decorate the "whimsical" tree before Thanksgiving so that the whole family can participate.

Finding out that there will be at least one more trip to the mountains to cut Christmas trees at the Robinson tree farm. We don't need a tree, but we need that time to create life-long memories of family and togetherness. It hurts my heart to think about how different it will be this year.. I know what we will all be thinking, but I also know that if she is able, Grandma will look down on us and smile.

"See ya, Babe." "Bye Punkin, I love you. " "I love you too."

Yuffas and all that they imply.

Blogs that give us an outlet to share our thoughts, dreams and moments. An electronic snapshot of our lives.

To my family: Thank you for giving me purpose and direction. Everything I do is for you and because of you. You are my heart and my soul.. I can only hope that I am able to give you a fraction of the love, strength and happiness that you have given me.

When Everything Is Perfect

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I heard the most wonderful sound in the whole world and it filled my heart with something that felt a lot like sparklers.

I heard my husband and two of my little girls gut laughing from the room below - the room with the ginormous television, and computers, and Yuffas perched on the couch.

They were watching America's Funniest Home Videos and they later informed me that they had just seen Santa fall head first, down the stairs, bouncing along on his back the entire way.

And so they laughed. :)

Dear Universe,

Thank you ever so much for my beautiful, wonderful family! They are the breath in my soul and the reason I am here. I promise to take the very best care of them and lock each and every one of them in my heart where I will love them forever.

Sincerely,
Me

My Little Punkins

Fall… sweet, blissful, beautiful fall! Sometimes I think that one of the reasons I love fall so much is because you never know what weather you are going to wake up to. Other times, I can’t help but relate to the colorful leaves that seem to scream, “HEY! I’M OVER HERE! OPEN YOUR EYES AND APPRECIATE ME BEFORE I’M GONE!” Yesterday as I drove home in the 35+ mph winds, I was positively giddy over the fact that it was literally raining leaves on my Durango and I smiled as I watched a group of young children squeal with delight as they chased an eddy of leaves through the parking lot while I held up the traffic behind me so they could delight in their fall escapade safely.

*Sigh* Can it GET any better?


Last Friday we excitedly piled into the Durango to head to our favorite local farm for… PUMPKINS! As I watched my teenage girls frolic amongst the brightly colored gourds of happiness, I felt a wrenching pain in my heart. I was instantly transported through each one of the many years of pumpkin celebrations with my little girls and I wondered where the time has gone… I have pictures of my babies holding tiny pumpkins, but because they were tiny themselves, those little pumpkins looked huge! I have pictures of Emily perched happily on top of a pumpkin that had been hollowed out – too bad I couldn’t get a picture of that toddler butt from the INSIDE of the pumpkin… I bet that would have been hilarious! I can hear their sweet giggles as they grossed themselves out with the guts of the pumpkins, see them cringing as they dared each other to put pumpkin slices in their mouths, and I can see them proudly beaming over their freshly hacked creations. Oh girls, thank you… THANK YOU for the memories! I am such a lucky mother to have wonderful girls with whom I can share this great adventure we call life.










So there we were, last Friday evening, at the farm.. The sun was lower in the gloriously blue sky, the weather was perfect and my girls were having a ball! The girls would laugh and squeal over each new and even more perfect pumpkin than the last which they had just put into the little red Radio Flyer wagon.. so I simply could not refuse when they wanted “just one more.” I stood back and snapped picture after picture of the smiles, the laughter and the silliness that ensued and I could have been there all night. I was that happy! Bill joined us about 40 minutes after we had arrived at the farm… and we had already loaded our prized selections into the Durango.. So naturally we had to go back! We wanted our favorite guy to take part in the pumpkin happiness too.. And another 30 minutes and 17 pumpkins later, we headed home – reassuring each other that YES, WE ARE CRAZY!









Right about now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Geez Nicole! 17 pumpkins… REALLY?”

Yes. Really. And let me tell you why…

When my girls were little and would have bad dreams, they would come into my room at night, tears streaked on their little cheeks, and they would crawl into bed with me. We’d sleep snuggled up for the remainder of the night. I remember a few years ago when I realized that they no longer do that.. I felt like I had been smacked in the face and I thought, “Hey wait a minute! When exactly was the last nightmare incident that had one of my Snuggle Bugs end up in my bed?” And as long as I am asking ridiculous, rhetorical questions, WHY didn’t someone tell me it would be the last time so I could fully appreciate it, and get the full benefit of The Very Last Nightmare Snuggle?

The very same scenario played out for the neighborhood summer nemesis, The Ice Cream Man. When they were little, my girls would take off at an Olympic sprint whenever they heard that creepy tinny music from blocks away. I could hear their little feet thundering through the house as they came at me all breathless and tense and asked me hopefully, “CANWEHAVEMONEYFORICECREAMPRETTYPLEASEHUH?” Take a breath girls! Here’s your quarters now go get sticky! One summer I actually gave them each their own roll of quarters and told them to use it wisely.. make it last.. I actually thought I was teaching them something cool about being responsible. Too bad Abby had already learned how to be generous because she went out and gave all of her quarters away to friends. LOL It is nice that you shared, Abby… but please don’t do that with your future paychecks! Now when the Ice Cream Man circles our neighborhood like a hungry vulture, the girls don’t even blink an eye as the music filters through the house like some horror scene about to play out.. And once again, I ask myself what I would have done.. what I would have thought… if someone had told me, “Hey Nicole, see those adorable little girls out there with ice cream running down their faces? Well, this is the very last time they are going to want to chase the ice cream truck. How do you feel about that?” The truth is that I probably would have cried because I do that a lot as I watch my babies turn into blossoming adults.

So that is why we bought 17 pumpkins! Because next year, or the year after that, or the year after that.. when I wake up one day and realize that we no longer rush off to the pumpkin patch with our grins and cameras ready, I want to be able to say, “Yeah, I remember that and it was OH. SO. COOL!”





By the way - Today is my Sweet Grandma Robinson's birthday. Grandma, I still miss you every day.. still fight the tears that are my constant since you've been gone.. and I will always...ALWAYS love you. Happy Birthday, Beautiful Lady!

Appreciation

I work in the administration offices of a busy K-9th grade school and I get to see a lot of things on a daily basis that are sad, heartbreaking, amazing, gross, funny - you name it. Some of the kids that we work with are inspiring in the way they deal with physical handicaps, medical afflictions, bullies, and even poverty. And some kids make me shake my head as they get sent to the office, day after day, for ridiculous behavior.

I’ll be the first to say that my husband and I have a lot of kids… our very own six pack! How lucky I feel when I stop to appreciate the fact that none of my kids have to check their blood sugar or administer insulin daily, none of them have had to be sent home from school for behavior problems, and none of them have a heartbreaking home life. In fact, these girls have always been at the top of their class, are the first to offer help to anyone in need, and they always… ALWAYS stick up for the underdog.

My office is front row to a lot of drama. The daily parade can be any combination of sick kids, clothing emergencies, medicine dispensing, first aid, poor choices, and sometimes just rotten luck. What I don’t often get to see in my office are the kids that shine, the ones who are straight A students that are busy setting good examples and preparing to make the world a better place. But I know those kids are here.. just as my kids are at their schools… quietly noticed, but mostly undisturbed by the office staff because they’re the good kids.

To my girls, and all the great students out there, I want to say -Keep it up, Good Kids, we know you’re out there!

What makes me happy

Carley says this blog is one of very few words. Maybe she's right. But there are some times that pictures speak louder than words, and there are some pictures that sum up everything I feel. This blog is mostly visual...

I am one very lucky person. Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the things in my life that are so wonderful and right up at the top of that list is my family.




I grew up in some pretty cold and extremely persistent shadows. I don't mean that in a "poor me" kind of way, but it was a desperately hard life filled with so many things I couldn't seem to do well enough. And then, almost 17 years ago, I finally got it right and stepped out of those shadows for good. From the moment I looked into their innocent little eyes, I knew my life had changed for the better and I was determined that my girls would never have to live their lives in anyone's shadow. I have made it my goal to give them every ounce of love that I have to offer.. to teach them that they each have so much to give... and they have not disappointed me.

My girls fill my heart with happiness. I am so proud of all that they accomplish and how hard they work at everything they do. These sweet girls are loving, kind and generous beyond measure. Somewhere along the way I did something great to deserve these people in my life. They are my biggest challenge and my greatest joy.

Just when I didn't think it could get any better than a life lived with my 5 best friends, this incredible man and his beautiful girl walked into our lives and just like that we became a family of 8. Once again I find myself giving thanks for all the beauty in my life.

My family. My life.