Oh The Drama Of Turning 40!

I promised myself that I would sit down this morning and update this blog before I began my day. My schedule is so hectic lately that I rarely have time for myself so if I don't make a firm commitment to update here then... well, as you've probably already noticed... it just doesn't get done.

Here we go..

Let's back up to the last few days of May and the first few days of June. I was still adjusting to a new rhythm of life working for Google. My day starts ridiculously early and I don't get two days off in a row.  (I know, it kinda sucks) Memorial Day happened to be on my birthday this year and I was stunned to see that it was snowing when I left for work. Snowing! On May 30! Shenanigans! I headed off to work and tried not to think of my family all snug in their beds at home, and about how I would miss the grave visiting this year because of work.  But my girls had surprised me the night before with movie tickets to see Kung Fu Panda 2 and since animated movies have become a tradition for us on my birthday, I had something to look forward to all day even if I was bummed that Hubby had to work on my birthday. (Our schedules are opposite.. he's in bed when I go to work, he's gone to work when I get home, and I'm in bed when he gets home.. no bueno.)

I went straight to the theater after work. My girlies were meeting me there for the movie and I was looking forward to seeing them all. Ashley had flown in from Atlanta that afternoon and I hadn't even seen her yet. It wasn't long before we were all seated (nearly front row) in a theater packed with a gazillion crying, talking, laughing, chair-kicking little kids. Let the festivities begin! Actually, I kept looking toward the aisle because I was sure the girls were going to surprise me and have Hubby show up late to the movie.. but he never came. I swallowed that disappointment and enjoyed the movie with my girls. Seriously, I really did enjoy it. Skadoosh!

After the movie, some of the girls went in one car while Ashley and Abby came with me in my Jeep. I noticed a paper on my windshield from the police, admonishing me for leaving my purse on the front seat. I felt properly chastised and did a quick search to make sure everything was there.  It wasn't. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I realized that my wallet was not in my purse. I had Abby text Hubby to see if he had taken it out when he went to the store the previous day, but he wasn't answering messages.

I drove home stressed and quiet. It had been barely one year ago that my wallet was stolen and I had to recreate my identity. I did not want to go through all of that again. I pulled into the driveway and the garage door opener would not work. Last December one of the springs broke and I had to pay $200 to get it repaired so the door would open again. Great. Had another spring snapped on my birthday?  I felt like I was the one who would soon snap.

As I approached the front door, I noticed that all the blinds were closed...... then I heard giggles.... then I noticed the car across the street looked familiar. The realization came slowly, but I was pretty certain by then that my house was full of people. (Shenanigizers!) I put on a brave face and stepped up to the door.  SURPRISE! Just as I thought, the house was full of family and friends... and cutely decorated. It took me a moment to drink it all in. I saw this massive, beautiful cake on the buffet table in the kitchen and out of the corner of my eye, I saw my sweetheart sitting in his favorite rocking chair. He didn't have to work afterall! I was speechless.

I have never been an overly social person. I tend to keep to myself... you know, the one who stands off to the side, casually observing the scene?  Yep, that's me. Finding myself the center of attention was uncomfortable, but I did my best to manage a smile and thank everyone for being so generous with their time and talents. But remember the wallet?  Yes, it was still missing and the pit in my stomach just got colder by the minute.

The gifts I was given were so very thoughtful.. and I cried in front of everyone as I opened a delicate notebook filled with my Sweet Grandma's handwriting. It was her account of our trip to Boston years ago. What a treasure it is to read her thoughts of that special time we shared. Even now I choke up at the thought of it. I will never get over the emptiness left in me when she passed away. Oh how I miss her!

Hubby was working hard to dish up the enchiladas, bean dip and guacamole he had prepared for our guests, but by then he also knew the wallet was missing and I could see the worry etched on his face. I had called the store to see if my wallet had been turned in but no luck. It was gone. I will always feel badly about how the missing wallet overshadowed the hard work that my girls and other family members had put in for weeks to throw me a surprise party. I wish I could have a do-over.  My darling Linzie even went down to her room in tears. She said it was the worst thing that could ever happen.  I held her in my arms and assured her that a missing wallet was just a thing that could be replaced. My family are the most precious things in the world to me and as long as I have them then I haven't lost anything.  I held her hand and brought her back to the party.

I'm a party wrecker... I'm ashamed to admit that. My mood brought everyone down and although I can't change it now, I did learn a valuable lesson from it. No matter what, make sure that the people around you feel appreciated and give them their moment to shine.  I took the shine from my girls that day with the wallet drama and I wish I could take it all back.

After all the guests had gone, Hubby said he wanted to go to the store to look for the wallet himself. I had already cancelled my cards and I knew the odds of finding it were zero, but it was still my birthday. My 40th birthday.  I told him I would ride with him so I could spend a few more moments with my favorite people before I had to go to bed and rest up for work early the next morning.

The girls and I were barefoot so we waited in the Durango while Hubby went in the store. I thanked them over and over for being such thoughtful girls. I truly loved all they had done for me. But the sadness was still there.. under the surface. Stupid wallet! As Hubby returned to the Durango with his head hung low, I was grateful that he had tried. I felt so loved by my family that day! I knew he felt bad so I reassured him it was just "stuff" and that it would all be fine.  That's when he grinned.

With great flourish, he pulled his hand from behind his back and TA DA! There was my wallet! The same store that had told me hours earlier that there was no wallet turned in actually had it the whole time! The joyful cheers filled the Durango and Hubby was a hero. (I still tease him that he lost it on purpose so he could pull off a surprise of his very own!)

By the time I went to bed that night, I was so exhausted. I had experienced the full range of emotions that day and I couldn't take it all in.  I will probably always feel apologetic about my 40th birthday surprise party... I did kinda ruin it you know... But I'm certain it will be one that we will never forget!

Thank you everyone who came to celebrate (Sorry for the drama) and thank you to Stephanie Randquist for making such a yummy, exquisite cake!  Thanks most of all to my sweet girlies, Hubby, favorite sis and my mom for working so hard on something special just for me. You are all the best and I am so very lucky to have you in my life!

Coming up later this week.... the story of my babies' graduation. Can you believe it?!

Enjoy these pictures of the pre birthday preparations... not a lot of pics were taken of the actual party, but trust me, we enjoyed being together!

My cute girls sneaked off on a Saturday to make cupcakes at Grandma's house with Aunt Missy!

Movie tickets, gummy cokes and Red Bull.. They knew they had to keep me awake through the movie!

I was given a Kindle with a giftcard for books (yay!), a beautiful necklace with all my girls' names and birthstones, and a precious journal that was my Sweet Grandmother's.

How amazing is this cake that my former sister-in-law was kind enough to make for me? It was super delicious too!

Life-Changing Week

It's a big week for my family. The week stretched out in front of us ushers in a new chapter in our lives and I'll be the first to admit it's a little scary because I have become quite comfortable in my mothering role as it has been for the past 19 years.

That's all about to change.

My little ones are all grown up. It seems to have happened quite suddenly. My mommy brain tells me that only last week I was holding Carley's and Madi's little hands as they waited for the school bus to pick them up for their first day of kindergarten. That memory is so bright and vivid... where did the years go?

This week, my very first little girls are graduating from high school. I know! I can hardly believe it myself! They will walk with their peers, draped in their school colors and wearing the honor cords that represent their years of hard work and sacrifice. They will fret over balancing their caps and they will secretly practice the tassel switch until they have it mastered for their ceremony on Thursday. (Not to worry, girls! It's a tiny thing to move the tassel from one side of your cap to the other.)

Throughout the whole thing, they won't be able to see the tears streaming down their mother's face... they won't feel the ache in my heart as is swells with pride (and a tiny hint of sorrow) as I watch them take this next step in their lives. My little girls won't know that I will sit there replaying every moment of their lives from their first little cries to their most recent gut-laughter over something utterly silly and wonderful. I will squeeze the hand of my Hubby.. the one who has patiently fathered them all these years and helped shape them into the beautiful women they are today. Even though he might think my tears are silly sentiment, he will lovingly support me and undoubtedly tease me about it later. (It's what he does and we love him for it.)

I can't help it, I'm a tender-heart and my babies are going to walk across a stage and forever cross into adulthood this week. There will be many, many tears. I'm so proud of them!  I'm pretty sure I will be imagining their tiny selves drowning in graduation gowns that are much too big for them. And when they look at me and smile, I will wonder how those little, five year old girls could possibly be graduating. I better stock up on tissues!

Congratulations on your graduation, my precious girls! 

Gardening Soothes The Soul

My life has been a hectic mess lately! I have been working for Google full time and I've been sick. :(  I know, I know! I could use a break, seriously! I wrote this post a week ago but only now found the time to add the pictures and post it. Forgive me if there are spelling or grammar mistakes, for I haven't had time to proofread. 

(Dottie, I miss you, Sweet Lady! I keep thinking I need to write to you and I absolutely need to make the time to do so. I think about you every day and hope that you are well and happy. I love you so much!)

Now for the belated post:

First let me say that all of the photos seen in this post belong to my fabulous Carley. She is a very talented photographer and I am so grateful that she takes her camera along for the ride when I am too busy to take pictures or have forgotten to bring my own camera along on our adventures.

As I mentioned yesterday, the weekend was full of blooming happiness. Each year, one of our favorite springtime activities is to head to our local nursery where we brave the insane crowds to claim our colorful prizes which will adorn our dirt patches all summer long.  I know there are kids out there who cringe over the idea of yard work (I was one of them) but my girls love getting their hands dirty as they help me carefully plan and plot how our gardens will look each year. It just wouldn't be summer without our sitting garden and our brightly colored flower pots dotting the deck like icing on a cake.

You have to get up early to get to the nursery before the mobs of people show up. When I say early, I mean you need to be there the night before and have your parking space staked out. We didn't do that this year. In fact, flowers were not even on my weekend to do list.. it was a last minute decision and we paid for it too because the crowds were in full-on crazy mode by the time we got there. The trick to scoring a parking space when you're a latecomer is to have multiple sets of eyes scanning for people loading their sweet-smelling treasures into their vehicles. Once the target vehicle begins to reverse, it is absolutely vital to pull in as quickly as possible, all the while pretending not to notice the angry mobs that mistakenly thought they had a chance at the same parking space.

As the girls and I piled out of the Durango, I felt a strange, yet familiar sensation washing over me... I felt giddy and it's a darn good thing I don't play poker because I couldn't have squashed my smile if my life had depended on it! I was in my happy place and we were about to go shopping for flowers. J&J Nursery is my drug and I am hopelessly addicted. I won't ever give it up, so don't even think about trying a 12 step program on me! AND.... my girls have the same addiction as I do, so two carts are a necessity!

Are there enough exclamation points in this post to properly convey the excitement of the day? I hope so!

When I say that we shopped until we ran out of cart space, I am not exaggerating! In fact, I think Abby might have even been balancing a flower pot or two on her head as we carefully navigated the crowded greenhouses, only slightly aware of impending doom at the cash register. As the cute check out girls began the process of unloading and scanning each and every flower we had gathered, I began to wonder what the heck I was thinking...  This was going to cost a lot of money and I would certainly have some s'plaining to do! 

We quickly realized that two carts full of flowers would never fit in a Durango that needed to haul five people as well. I was laughing as I pulled out the cell phone to call Hubby to our rescue. It's a good thing we just live down the street from the nursery and Hubby was able to hop in the Jeep and come pick up the girls that I no longer had room for.  It isn't like I would choose the flowers over the girls.... but had Hubby not been available, I knew I could leave the girls there and come back for them later if I had to, right?  Right?? (I'm not sure Emily would have even noticed being left behind.. we had to drag her out of there! She was so busy snapping picture after happy picture.)

We spent the rest of the day digging and planting, arranging and admiring.  It was wonderful! I love our annual garden planting day! :) More importantly though, I love time spent with my family. I am so blessed to be surrounded by my best friends who, luckily for me, happen to enjoy hanging out and helping.

Since we planted our flowers, it has rained, non-stop for over a week! I was able to take a peek at the flowers the other day and I am amazed over how well they are doing. I can't wait until the warm weather comes to stay so that we can enjoy our gardens every day.

Still here.. I promise!

So it has been a crazy couple of weeks! Hubby was gone to Atlanta for training (and he had my laptop with him) and I started a new job, working for Google. I spend every day cramming like it is the most intense final of my life. And I come home brain-fried. So the blog has suffered because of my schedule, but I'm hoping to post some updates this week because there's been fun stuff going on... specifically, the planting of my garden and flower pots. Yay!

Keeping Busy

Hubby is still out of town.  My work-horse guy is stuck in a hotel room every evening and he is going stir-crazy! And last night I slept with the lights on because the bed seemed even more empty to me in the dark. But here's the crazy part... we have talked more in the last few days than we have in a long, long time! He's a captive audience on the other end of that cell phone and he is actually listening to the things I say. Maybe his boredom isn't a completely bad thing after all!  It's still hard to be without him though. I miss his warmth at night, the feel of his foot searching for mine as we both drift off to sleep, and the comfort he brings by taking such good care of our home and our family.  He will be home for one day (hopefully) this weekend and then back to Atlanta to finish his air-bus training.  I am looking forward to some great snuggles over the weekend!

(I seriously need to try to remember all of these sweet, gooey-sentimental things once he is back home every day and wearing on my nerves!)

In spite of me pining for my sweetheart, the girls and I have managed to keep busy every day. I am grateful for busy schedules that have kept me occupied and having fun while Hubby is away.  Baby showers, photo shoots, even a visit to the Federal Building to finally change my last name on my social security card... busy days meant the sting of missing Hubby was a little less.

The other day, the girls and I headed out to take some portraits. We have been taking their pictures seasonally, and we had hoped for some great spring pictures to add to the collection for Carley's and Madi's senior pictures. I had scouted out a great location the day prior so all we had to do was show up and hope the rain clouds kept their distance! Okay... that AND hope that we didn't get arrested for ignoring the "No Trespassing" signs on the historic train bridge! We had a blast!  The pictures look great, we had an incredibly fun time, and the only people who stopped near the bridge were factory workers that stopped to shout out their truck windows how cute they thought the pictures were going to turn out.  Fun Fun!

As it turns out, taking the pictures is only half of the fun. We then came home to look through the 690 pictures on my camera alone and then the editing process began. We each have different ideas about how we want the pictures to look, so one pose can end up looking completely different depending on who does the editing. Here are a few of my favorites so far:

Linzie Savanna

Carley M'Lyssa

Emily Nicole

Linzie Savanna

Abby Julia

Abby Julia

Carley M'Lyssa

Linzie Savanna

Emily Nicole

Carley M'Lyssa

Carley M'Lyssa

Linzie Savanna

I'm just getting started on editing Madi's pictures. I told her I want her to wear her hair down so I can get pictures of her hair also..  She has a super busy schedule but hopefully I can get her to cooperate this weekend!

Catherine Madison

Catherine Madison

We had so much fun and we have so many great pictures! These are just a sampling of the wonderful images we captured that night. I adore my girlies and I am so grateful to them for helping me keep my mind off of missing Hubby this week.  Now if I could just get brave enough to sleep without the lights on then I'd really be making progress!

My best friend, Hubby himself, is coming home tomorrow! I am so excited to see him and love him to pieces.. even if it is only for 36 hours or so... and then he goes back to Atlanta for one more week. We can do this!

1,862.12 Miles Between Us

My heart hurts. I know people do this every day. I know so many couples have it so much worse than I do. But the thing is... I don't do well without him. I bawled all the way home from the airport after dropping him off. Ouch! I miss his snuggles, his kisses and hugs. I miss his laugh and the way he teases the girlies. I'm terrified something will break while he's gone and then what will I do?? I need my best friend here with me.  I hate the thought of crawling into our bed alone... Hurry home baby. I love you!

I'm counting down the time until I see him again. 

11 Days

281 Hours

16864 Minutes

More than 1,000,000 seconds

Not fair, Delta.... Not fair.