Never Enough Time - Enjoy Every Moment We're Given

I'd love to tell you that I've been away on some fantastic vacay, but the truth is plain-vanilla boring.  I've been here, concussed and foggy- but more or less here, doing the normal every day living.  I go to work, I come home and say hello to whatever girlies happen to be home at the time, and I complain about the dogs.  Normal... Boring!

(Except for the day at Pineview with my besties and the adventure of FIVE of the girls getting pulled over by the water police.. but that's a story for another day!)

During those rare, quiet moments.. I think about my life and how lucky I am to be where I am, surrounded by my favorite people on the planet.  It's getting harder and harder to catch time with my lovelies as they get older and their lives, which have been somewhat pliable up until this point (think Play-Dough pliable and you'll get my meaning), have suddenly taken on a more concrete form... a form in which I'm more of a supporting actress, or extra, instead of the lead.

Wow... did any of that make sense?  If not then let's go ahead and blame the concussion since that excuse is really working for me lately. 

My point is that my girls are growing up. Their lives are becoming their own and I find myself more and more on the fringes... trying to understand this new way of life and what it means for my family. It's hard to let go. I have nurtured and cared for these little creatures their whole lives.. I've known where they were almost every minute.. and now I find that sometimes entire days pass by without communication with one or more of my girls. Ouch and double ouch.

Just yesterday I was driving past the high school when I noticed a strikingly familiar red Jeep parked in the otherwise empty lot. I wondered out loud if that was my Emily's Jeep parked there and then I was amazed that I had no idea where my girls were at that point in time. Wow. Just.. wow.  Turns out it was Emily's Jeep and she was there goofing off with friends. But the point is that my little ones have grown up and are running their own lives more and more.

I need to find a way to make this difficult adjustment.

Hubby and I were talking last night about how we need to figure this new lifestyle out soon because the frantic pace of trying to keep up with everything is wearing us out! While I don't like the idea of accepting the splintered family evenings, I don't see much of a choice. Just the other day, we went up to the reservoir and had to swallow the bitter pill of leaving one of the girls behind because she had to work. It broke my heart. I want to ask my mom how she coped with this teenager-turning-adult transition? How do I let go of all the group activities and routines that I have carefully nurtured for 19 years now? It's not going to be easy!

For now, I am grateful to get what time I can with my family. This summer we have had wonderful moments of family barbecues, playing with the new watercraft, birthday parties and other backyard get togethers... but there haven't been nearly enough for my liking because we are also busy working our separate jobs, going our separate ways....

Slow down, Life...  Give me more time to treasure these precious days with my family.

Breaking in the new Waverunners:

Our Summer Garden:

 The screens, antique gardening tools and antique ladder all belonged to my beloved grandparents who also loved gardening.

I Can Do Hard Things

I'm struggling lately.  When I have a lot on my mind I tend to clam up and brood a bit. Sometimes this has a ripple effect on my family and for that I am very sorry. But I'm working on it.. I'm adjusting expectations and wishes. It's a process.

Last night I told a very sad KarKar, "Sometimes, as parents, we have to do hard things for our family." I know it is hard for her to understand and I wish I could take away her hurt and her worry. I also told her that sometimes we have to do things whether we like it or not.

I'm hoping things will get better. I ache over decisions that have to be made and the cascade effect it will have on my family.  Life is never easy...

The Good, The Bad and The Rest

The good news is that two of the girlies are beginning to feel better. They went to school yesterday and today, even if they did take a mini medicine cabinet with them.. at least they went, right? 

The bad news is that Hubby, Carley and I are now sick. We have a major case of the ick, complete with sore throats, lungs that hate us, and achy fever. (And yet Carley still went to school.. she's a trooper!)

The rest?  I wrote a blog post last night. Poured my heart out  and said all the things on my mind... left it up for about 20 minutes and then wondered if the cold medicine was affecting my better judgement. I took it down because I don't want to publish negativity on my blog.  Basically, I'm still hurting over recent events, and I feel like there's a giant gap between Hubby and I. And I'm trying to figure out what my role is with Ashley. I hate feeling like I have to hold back.. but when people are telling me that I have no business in certain events then what can I do?  It sucks. 

Marriage= frosty,  Parenting= divided, Life = confusing

Having DVR Screwed Me Up!

Do you have DVR?  If so then you will probably relate to what I can only describe as a permanent life tweak. Don't get me wrong, I love having DVR. In fact, we have DVR hooked up to two televisions on two different floors of our house. Gone are the days of missing interesting programming because we simply set the timers and walk away. Oh the freedom! One of the DVR boxes can even record two different programs at once! That means the kids can record their garbage iCarly and the Hubster can record Deadliest Catch. Meanwhile, I am recording Top Chef and Parenthood upstairs. In our house everybody wins.

(The truth is that I don't have time to even watch a fraction of what gets recorded, but it's comforting to know that I could if I wanted to.)

DVR has also made it incredibly joyful to skip commercials, rewind when the kidlets talk over important dialogue, and pause for potty breaks. (Did I just say potty break on my blog?) I have even been guilty of pausing and moving forward frame by frame so we can laugh at the unfortunate gymnast who fell off the parallel bars and landed face down while kicking himself in the back of the head. Don't judge! If he didn't want me to laugh at him kicking himself in slow-mo then he shouldn't have submitted the tape to AFV in the first place. The guy was no Chuck Norris, or Mary Lou Retton, but he was hilarious for at least five minutes.

I do enjoy the convenience that having DVR has brought into my family's entertainment experience. The problem is that now I find myself wanting to rewind, pause and skip over things that don't have that feature available. I can't tell you how many times I have been spacing out in traffic listening to the radio in my SUV  when I hear something and immediately wonder, "Wait a minute.. what did he just say?" I actually catch myself reaching for the nonexistent rewind button on my radio console before I realize (for the 10th time that week) that I do not have the capability to rewind the radio!

Frustrating!

But it's more than just zoning out and missing radio commentary. What about all of the real life situations that would benefit from DVR capabilities? Here are just a few situations that I think would improve drastically with a little DVR help.

• Telephone is ringing and you are sitting in the recliner, with a laptop and several other electronics perched around you. (hypothetically, of course) You know you only get four rings before it goes to voicemail and you can't get to it soon enough! DVR functions that would work here?  Pause! 
• Salesman, girl scout, and annoying neighbor kid that can't read ignore the NO SOLICITING sign in bold letters attached to the front door and interrupt what is otherwise a nice evening. Function = Skip!
• Enjoying a wonderful summer family bbq on the deck with lots of side splitting laughter and the squeals of happy cousins playing in the yard.  Function = Record and protect! (This one would have endless playback enjoyment)
• Daughter says something incredibly funny, such as, "I have two favorite candies.. only I don't know what the second one is." Function= Record and replay later for the hubby who loves these "isms" that appear from time to time. 
• Entire family gets food poisoning while on vacation in Hawaii.  Function = DELETE! 
• Suffering through the work week just to get to the too short weekend..  Function= Fast forward! 

I joke about the things above, but the truth is that I really do catch myself trying to rewind the radio and tonight at the movies with my girls, I wanted to rewind the movie when I happened to look away from the screen at the wrong time and missed something important. Drat!

I know, I know! I can't help it that I'm spoiled and completely ruined now because of my life with DVR... how the heck did we ever function without it?