Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Dear Cancer, I Truly Despise You

January brought me one of the brightest lights of my life.  On January 10th, seventeen years ago, my beautiful Emily Nicole was born.  I am holding on tight to those feelings of joy and accomplishment, even as a family who is dear to us is preparing for their final Earthly goodbye to their beloved daughter, only one year younger than my Emily. I wish I could find a way to reconcile these feelings in my heart.

Ache doesn't come close. Agony seems so paltry. Where is the fairness in this???

I am calling on all of you in the blogger-verse to please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. And every other second of every day... keep your family close.  NEVER miss an opportunity to show your love and affection. Kiss them, love them, tell them goodnight... None of us know how long this Earthly journey will last so make the most of every single breath. 

Madeline Slaughter's story

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009 - Thanks for the Memories!

As 2009 comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on the year of highs and lows that my family has experienced over the last 12 months. If I had a dollar for every time we said that this year is a very different kind of year for us, I certainly wouldn't have to worry about any post Christmas debt! But as I hear the giggles of all the little girls throughout the house and watch my cute husband making his special nachos for our family New Year's Eve celebration, I am completely satisfied and happy with my life.

Here is a short recap of our experiences in 2009:

1. We created a family blog to share with friends and family.

2. Bill and I took a quick, overnight trip to Maui to recharge our parental batteries.

3. Carley and Madi were named officers in Key Club and FBLA at LHS and the price of their sweaters was OMG!

4. We had to rebuild and finish the deck and mason work of the pizza oven after a fire the previous fall.

5. We took the girls to Little Sahara Sand Dunes for an Easter camping trip and we were pretty much soaking wet and cold the entire time!

6. Sent the girls to Ohio for their half sister's High School graduation.

7. Two of our girls got their driver's licenses.

8. Our first major scare when Madi was in a car accident.

9. We learned that our beloved Grandma Robinson was seriously ill.

10. The truck's fuel pump conked out on us on a camping trip to Flaming Gorge.

11. My buddy, Jake, came to my house and planted an Apple tree in our backyard..on my birthday.

12. Madi and Emily got jobs at Lagoon.

13. Boating, boating, and more boating!

14. We said goodbye, for the last time, to Grandma Robinson. Her passing forever changed the way we view our lives.

15. Abby and Linzie started 7th grade, Emily started High School, and Carley and Madi began their Junior year at LHS.

16. I mustered up all of my courage to quit my job at Venture to accept a great job opportunity at OHSU.

17. My "babies" officially became teenagers. Now ALL of our girls are teenagers!

18. We gave away a washer, couch, two geckos and a television when we made necessary upgrades around the house.

19. We made A LOT of fudge.

20. I held and comforted my daughters as they cried and mourned the death of their friend involved in a violent car accident. Less than 48 hours later another friend of theirs tragically lost her older brother to suicide.

21. The discovery of Glee meant much more singing around the house and walking around with silly grins as we compare our crushes on Mr. Schuester.

So as our New Year's celebrations wind down and as each of us slowly wander off to our comfy beds, I cannot help but appreciate all that 2009 taught me. Even though there was a tremendous amount of sadness, I learned to appreciate the moments... each and every one of them whether good or bad.

In one of our favorite songs Jason Mraz sings, "It takes some good to make it hurt... It takes some bad for satisfaction." I agree, Mr. Mraz. Life. Is. Wonderful!

Happy New Year, everyone. I am looking forward to appreciating all that 2010 has to offer!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Spaces In Between

This week has been busy. Huge. Emotionally exhausting. But even though we have been tested beyond what we have experienced before, even though we are all scrambling to establish our own hectic, must-do schedules - there have been moments of reflection, peace, and sometimes a little sadness in between. Moments that remind us to take the time to appreciate our surroundings and the people we love.



Sunday we awoke to a world shrouded in gray, rain falling from clouds as heavy as our own hearts. How appropriate. Grandma would have loved it. There were many shared thoughts, stories and emotions as we prepared to gather as a family to say goodbye. We were hurting in ways we had not experienced before and we held each other up as the day went on.

Just before we left the house, I had the girls stop so I could take their picture. They posed for their mom in spite of how they felt, and even worked up smiles for the camera. Another moment in time, alone with my girls.



Saying goodbye is never easy...



To say our emotions were all over the map would be an understatement. Sunday and Monday we cried, hugged, laughed, loved, sobbed, ached, and gave thanks for the most beautiful and perfect woman any of us ever have -or ever will know.

And we said goodbye.... For the last time.



I didn't take pictures of Bill on either of those days, but I wish I would have. He is my strength, my rock. When I was breaking down, he stood beside me - comforting me and loving me. He never left my side. He was there for our girls and for my extended family as well...offering his love and support. He is truly an amazing man.

The girls missed their first day of school on Monday as we said goodbye to Grandma, and Bill also took the day off. None of us ever gave it a second thought. We were where we needed to be. My family. My love, strength and happiness.



My heart still hurts, and I know now that it always will. I knew as we drove away that I was leaving part of myself behind. We will never get over her passing, never forget her, and there will never be another like her. Our challenge now is to learn to live with the empty space in our lives where she used to be. We talk to her every day, surrounding ourselves with the things she would love... family, music, flowers.. and love.

"Clock's still ticking, life moves on.. the radio still plays a song.. I guess the world didn't stop, for my broken heart.."



The girls started school on Tuesday - Bill and I went back to work. I began the daunting task of trying to catch up one day before the kids returned to Venture. Every now and then, I had to close my office door so I could hide the tears that came over me suddenly. "Normal" had changed, and I was working to adjust.

My girls and school are like peas and carrots. (wink and a nod to Forrest Gump) They go together perfectly. I know that the girls enjoy school and I am happy that they are back in the routines that they love. Every year I look forward to watching them learn and grow. I may not follow them to school with a camera, but I watch carefully as they drive away, and I think of them as the school bus approaches. They grow up too quickly -My little women.



My days continue at a frantic pace, and the girls are getting busier each day as well. As my calendar fills up with various "To Do's" and as I fall asleep (usually sitting up) each night, I know that life goes on... it is the spaces in between that have changed forever.

The quiet moments at the end of the day are filled with gratitude for all life's blessings. Family, Home, Heritage, Love, Dreams, Music, Art, Laughter, and even Tears. For all of this and more, we are forever grateful and will never forget.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Forever In Our Hearts

Sweet Grandma, today you are having a wonderful and happy reunion with loved ones who have been waiting for you. We love you and will miss you every day of our lives.
Babehs "My daughters are so many things- Tiny discoverers of butterfly wings, huggers of teddies, sweet sleepyheads, little ones to dream for in bright years ahead... All Special people who right from the start had a place in our family and of course in my heart. And just when I think that I've learned all the things that my dear daughters are and the joy each one brings, a hug or a grin comes with such sweet surprise that love finds me smiling with tears in my eyes!"

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