Mixed Emotions

After work tonight, I headed over to Mom's where my little ones had gathered hours earlier. I was so happy to be there.. it has been much too long since I've had a face to face conversation with Mom, Dad and my closest sister.  The hours spent there did not disappoint. We were each overflowing with thoughts and experiences we have kept bottled up for too long and the conversation tumbled out of us like a dam that had finally burst.

I love my family.

I love how easily we step back into our close friendships even after weeks have gone by. I love how we share inside jokes and especially the way we are always discovering new things that we have in common but somehow overlooked before. This easy, comforting rhythm of family is something that I cherish with every ounce of my soul.

I have worked so hard to raise my beautiful Little Women with values that will guide them throughout their lives. Kindness is our number one requirement. Ask my girls what I expect from them most and they will tell you it is kindness. I one hundred percent believe that if you have a kind heart, everything else will fall into place. I have also guided my girls to be giving in everything they have and everything they are. My girls have been raised to give help in worldly ways whenever possible, and more importantly, to give their own time and talents to others as often as they can. Hopefully they don't grow too tired of me telling them that if they follow these simple rules, they will be successful in life beyond monetary gain. They will feel peace in their hearts and others will follow their example.

I was very proud tonight to hear that my sister had been speaking highly of my wonderful girls over the weekend. There's no greater reward than for a mother to hear that her children are recognized and loved for their sweet spirits. (I feel a swelling pride just writing this.) But another conversation quickly followed that brought the harsh past to light and it left me with conflicting emotions... this painful past is something I try not to revisit very often.

Years ago, I had to make the agonizing decision to distance myself from a family member. I won't go into the specifics, but I had to cut all ties in order to protect my family and it was a decision I did not make lightly. I know my actions have caused my parents and my favorite siblings a lot of heartache over the years and that makes me sad. But because I have worked so hard to create a family based on love and all things good and trustworthy, I felt it was necessary to shield my family from the destructive elements that were tearing us apart.  All these years I have struggled with the knowledge that the person who wronged my family never felt bad for actions that were completely opposite of everything my family believes in. It's impossible not to wonder how different life could have been had family been more important than greed.

Tonight it was revealed to me that this estranged family member admitted to feeling sorry for actions taken against my family so long ago. However, a discussion quickly followed about how that person will likely never apologize even though there might be sorrow for the path those actions lead all of us down. Frankly, I find that hard to accept.

I feel compelled to add one more life lesson for my girls here... If you have wronged someone, admit your mistake and apologize as soon as possible. Do everything possible to correct the situation and make amends for your mistake. Ignoring mistakes, especially ones that are hurtful to others, will damage your life in ways that you may not fully understand for a long time, and when that realization comes.. you just might find yourself with no one left to turn to.

Kindness absolutely matters.

My Heart Overflows

I have so much to be thankful for in my life, but after a harrowing weekend where I ached and worried for my dad, while learning more than I ever wanted to know about things like lactic acidosis, renal failure, sepsis and dehydration (to name just a few!), I will rest easy tonight because he is happy, healthy, and he is home.

But wait.. it gets even better than that!

Tonight, while I was resting, my sweet Abby brought me something that made my heart spill over with love, admiration, and pure Mama pride! She brought home a copy of an email that was sent to one of her teachers from the parents of a girl that Abby befriended at school. Abby is a mentor to new students and kids who struggle finding a place to fit in. I've always known that Abby was exceptionally kind, but to read such praise for my daughter, coming from someone I will likely never meet, I couldn't hold back the tears.  I asked Abby for a copy of the email so I could share it here.

This is the email, unedited or changed in any way:

Mrs dickson,
Thank you so much for talking to Abby for us. She has really helped joy come out of her shell. As a 7th grader you think I;m Quiet and no one is like me or likes me. Joy was overwalm 2 monthes before 6th ended about going to jr high. she had a hard time. she was so excited to have abby as a friend and looked forward to her notes. she would come home and tell us all about it. It was like christmas everday for joy. she could ask abby questions she would not us. when this stuff started on the bus I was a little worried about her, But as I talked to joy about this she was tring to find someone to talk to about this. I suggested her friends she really didn;t want to talk to them I said why don't you ask mrs hughes if you can write abby. Her face kind of lite up. like ya abby doesn't look down on me I'm her friend and she will help me. 
Thank you so much for letting Abby help us. You know there are some kids that think they are ok and tough enough to handle things on their own, but some just need a little help and a little friendship on their way. I don't know how to thank you and Abby enough for the things you have done for joy. I wish there were more Abby out there for kids today. 

Now picture the tears streaming down my face as my heart swells with love for my girl. I am so grateful to have such wonderful daughters in my life. Each one of them make me want to be a better person! I'm certain that they will continue to share their Love, Strength and Happiness throughout their lives and I hope they will always remember the impact they have on others.

Wow. What a weekend! Dad is home and on the road to a full recovery. I hate to think of how close we came to losing him, so instead I will only think of how grateful I am for my family and for the love that fills my home each and every day.

I couldn't ask for more.

A Letter to Aunt Dottie

Dottie, forgive me for not writing more often. I received your beautiful card and we passed it around as we read and re-read it many times. I wonder if you know how much you are loved by our family! We think about you every day and hope you are doing well. Mom updates us on your phone calls frequently, and we constantly wish we could be back in Massachusetts with you!

Work is going well. I still have my nose to the grindstone and I have very little time to myself these days... but the crazy studying is done for now and I passed all of my tests with a 98% average. (Truthfully, it should have been a 100%, but I seem to freeze up and make silly mistakes on tests!) I can see a long future with this company and for that I'm so grateful.

The girls are all doing fantastic, as usual. They manage to go to school, work and get their family play time in as well. I'm such a lucky mom to be surrounded by such great girls! Hubby is his usual silly self.. he keeps us laughing and manages to frustrate us all at the same time. But we couldn't do without him! (and he loves the attention he gets from all his girls!)

We love you, beautiful lady! I hope I can sneak away to see you again sometime this year... maybe on one of Mom's trips out there. I miss you dearly!

Loving My Life

You know the sound of cars wooshing past on the freeway? That's kinda what the past month has been like. No joke! I am LOVING my new job at Delta, but man is it a lot of work! I am in class for 8 hours a day, then I come home, throw together something for dinner (the cuisine around here has been nothing if not interesting, but probably less than highly nutritional), then I lock myself in my room and study until my eyelids slam shut and refuse to open. The next day I get up and repeat the process all over again.

But I'm happy!

I can't believe the difference in companies. Delta cares about their employees and works hard to create a great work environment that makes employees want to work harder, set more goals and achieve great things. I am so excited to be part of this team! Of course I know it is going to be difficult, and I know I haven't even seen the tip of the iceberg yet as far as the knowledge I will have to acquire in order to do my job, but I am eager to learn and I look forward to a great future at Delta!

So much has happened while I have been locked away studying.. Hubby took the girls to the Breaking Dawn premiere (because I was working), Ashley came out for a visit, Thanksgiving came and went, and we had one hell of a wind storm that has left me with a new appreciation for the folks who endure tornadoes and hurricanes!

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in such a long time. I miss it here, I truly do! I am hoping that life will mellow out a bit in two more weeks when I get through the testing phase of my training. Until then, here's some pictures that have been taken in the last month for you to enjoy!

The girls on Thanksgiving Day

This is what happens when I tell them to *not* smile.  They laughed for at least 5 minutes! 

My lovelies! 

Act Natural!

That's just some of the pictures we took on Thanksgiving day. I will post more when I have some free time. Right now, I really need to go study again!  Are you getting ready for Christmas? I still have so much to do, but first I have two girlies that are going to be NINETEEN in just two weeks! I can hardly believe it!

Oh, Hello! What's New?

I have really enjoyed my time away from Google. Not that Google itself is bad, but the environment that I was stuck in was very, very unhappy (borderline sick and twisted, even!). I heard several more people have quit since I left. Good for them, I say! Onward and upward, right?

In my blissful time off between jobs, I have laughed a lot, rested a lot, and enjoyed cooking... A lot! Hubby has had some fantastic breakfasts and I have whipped up some yummy treats and dinners too.  I have had fun trying new things I have discovered on my new fav website, Pinterest. When I make something that I have saved to my boards, I go back and comment about how we liked it. You can see my Tasty board here: CLICK FOR YUMMY FINDS! I am always scouting new recipes on Pinterest, so this will be an ever-changing link. I'm so excited to try all the tasty new recipes!

There's only so much eating that can be done around here though, so during the rest of my time I am busy studying for my new position at Delta. My head is crammed to the brink of ache with codes, terms, airline names, and other things I never really needed to know before. It feels like I have already learned and memorized tons of new information, but to put it in perspective... If this was a marathon, I just barely tied my shoes.

I'm so grateful to have a loving, supportive family that understands when I shut the bedroom door and study instead of hanging out with them. (Ouchie, though!) I miss hanging out with my besties but I know that this will eventually pay off.

Can you believe it is November already? It snowed here the other day and my sweet girlies got out some puzzles and spent the day laughing and putting it together. I so love my life!

What Language Do You Speak?

I'm in a better place lately. Know how I can tell? I'm writing again. When I came back from Massachusetts, I was bummed... depressed really. And by that I mean, REALLY DEPRESSED.  I have regrets about that trip and I have had to find a way to be able to live with those regrets. There was too much to do and not enough time. But we made the journey and our lives were enriched. Now I just have to start planning better for next time. Less sightseeing, more quality visits. That's the way I like it.

So to pull myself out of the funk, first thing I did was get myself a new job. (Yay!)  I have five days left at Project Google and I am anxious to get out of there. Anxious doesn't even cover it really. I'm wasting away in a horrible work enviornment out there (foul-mouths, sexual harassers, and lazy scumbags are the typical co-worker there.. and the management does nothing about it!). I wish I could run away at top speed! But I'm doing my best to do the right thing.. Stick it out to have the proper two weeks notice complete. After that it's adieu, adios, aloha, arrivederci, auf widersehen, au revior, cheerio, cheers, ciao, farewell, good-bye, shalom, kiss my butt, and SAYONARA!

While I wait for the new jobbie job to start, I moved on to the second step to pulling myself out of the blahs. I want to continue to better myself and learning and growing are part of my core being. So, after some incredible words of advice from my little sis, I picked up the book "The 5 Love Languages" in hopes of getting to a new level of understanding humanity the Hubs. So far, I have not been disappointed. This book isn't just for marriages.. oh no! I have a new understanding of my parents, my children, and other important people in my life as well.  I can't tell you how many shouting matches Hubby and I have had where each of us wants to tear our hair out because the other one just doesn't seem to get the point we're trying to make. I thought he was stubborn, bull-headed, and just plain lame-o for not understanding something so simple. I just want to be loved, okay?

He loves me. He really does. I know now that we speak different love languages. He has told me before that his way of expressing love is by doing things around the house. He cooks, he cleans, he fixes cars and other random broken stuff. He rushes off to help my siblings whenever he is needed, and he picks the kiddos up from school when I am unavailable. Don't get me wrong.. I have always appreciated these wonderful things about him. I just wanted to hear the words too.. yanno? 

I speak the Love Language of words of affirmation and physical touch. I'm a hugger! I want to hold hands, snuggle up close and hug for every occasion. It's true! Just ask my girlies how often I dish out the love around here. You make me smile and you better believe you're gonna get hugged!  I also believe in outwardly praising people for a job well done, for taking the extra time to go above and beyond, and for practicing kindness in every day living. I can't get enough of the powerful words of praise. If I appreciate something you've done, I WILL tell you, and then I WILL hug you! I will also give you anything I have if you need it more than I do. Those are the things that make my life worth living.

So what was the problem?  Hubby and I weren't speaking the same language. He was frustrated because I was frustrated. He was showing his love in his native language, the same way I was. But our messages were getting lost in translation and we began to feel adrift. Adrift is not a lifestyle I can live with, folks. Consequently, I had a few really rough weeks where I questioned everything, considered major changes, and kept coming back to the same conclusion. He is my best friend. I will fight until there's nothing left to fight for.

Because of this incredible book, our edges have softened. The lightbulbs are on and life is peaceful again.  I appreciate the fact that his Love Language is acts of service and I think he understands my language better now as well. Love is a choice.  I choose every day to work hard for it and to constantly improve myself so that love will be lasting and ever-growing.

Yep, once again I'm a happy, content girl. 

Click here to find out what your Love Language is!