"When we wanted what we never had, we did what we'd never done." Class of 2011

My timing on this post gets a ginormous FAIL. I know I have been promising to sit down and do this for weeks and weeks now.. you just wouldn't understand how taxing it is on me to never get two days off in a row anymore. There's never enough time to get anything done!

Anyway...

Back to the day in question... My babies were graduating from High School. I'm not even kidding! How did these little ones grow up in the blink of an eye? It seems like one minute Madi was gibbering "tappy tappy tappy" all day long and Carley was asking me to braid her long, curly locks. Sigh... If only I could go back and play with those dear little ones again. It would be magical, to be sure!

On June 2nd, 2011, Carley did not ask me to braid her hair.. and although I'm sure there was gibbering of some sort in our house that day, it wasn't Madi's childhood trademark, "tappy, tappy, tappy." Instead, I think I did most of the gibbering, and by the way things were not getting done, I think it's safe to say that I was gibbering to myself. ;)  I was almost ready to leave when I took one look at the girls' graduation gowns and knew there was no way I was letting them walk in those wrinkled messes! So I whipped out the iron as quick as you please, and declared war on those wrinkles! Have you ever stopped to consider how slippery those gowns are? Keeping the gowns on the ironing board was a lot like wrestling a bathtub full of eels. Good thing Madi was there to lend a hand!

Ironed gowns in hand, the two graduates headed off for the college campus while I urged the others to hurry. I was somewhat amazed that they weren't ready yet since they had all been told what time we needed to leave. I desperately tried to keep my stress under control so that the day could be appreciated and enjoyed properly. We were a little later getting out the door than I had planned, but it would have been so much worse if Hubby hadn't stepped in to be helpful by taking Linz to get the stockings she needed. (I'm grateful for Hubby's errand running skills!)

As we drove to the event center for the graduation, I finally had time to think about what it was we were doing. I suddenly felt as if I had swallowed a basketball. My throat tightened up and I found it difficult to breathe. It wasn't long before the stinging in my eyes signaled the onset of the official graduation sob-session. (even now I feel the threat of tears in my eyes just writing this!) My little girls have grown up. How long before they don't need me at all?

When I graduated, I hit the road running. To be fair, I was an extremely rebellious teen. A lost, confused and very angsty teen. I was glad to be rid of high school, and I vowed to never look back. I still haven't been to even one reunion.. just in case you were wondering. See, in terms of my teenage years, my buddy Stephen King said it best:  "If you liked being a teenager, there's something really wrong with you."  I totally agree! totally!

(How about you stay on topic and get back to the story, Nicole?)

It's entirely possible that the reason I worry about my little chickies flying the coop too soon is because that is what I did. I don't want them rushing head first into adulthood before they have the skills and armor they need to be successful. I winged it.. and I did a not-so-great job of it for many years. I want more for my girls.. doesn't every parent?

So there we were, stuck in a graduation ceremony traffic jam, and I was bawling. Not sentimental quiet tears either. Oh no! I was rocking the big, ugly, sob cry that never looks good on anyone. My heart, the heart of a mother who aches to keep her little ones little, was breaking even though it was a wonderful, happy occasion. So as I sniffled and sobbed, Hubby and my other girls were laughing at me as we all hoped I could get it together before we took our seats.

After wandering around the event center, trying to find the perfect seats, we finally connected with my mom and dad... and we just happened to have the perfect seats to be as close as we could get to Carley and Madi. I'd like to be able to tell you the waterworks had stopped by then, but as we took our seats, the piano theme song to "Man From Snowy River" started playing and I lost it all over again. You see, that beautiful piano music always makes me think of my Sweet Grandma... and I know that She knows it. Call me silly, but I believe that was her way of letting me know she was there to share the girls' special day.

Watching my beautiful girls walk in to the building and take their seats, I could not have been more proud. My mind replayed the many years of classroom holiday parties, school carnivals, late night homework sessions, fabulous report cards, book reports, school picture day, parent teacher conferences and more. Where did the time go?? My girls each had wonderful academic accomplishments and they managed to steer clear of the pitfalls that many teenagers fall into during their high school years. They are everything I always wanted to be and more!

I held my Hubby's hand throughout the ceremony, and we ate licorice that my mom brought (she always has goodies with her!) and we snapped what pictures we could to remember the occasion. Once again, Carley and Madi were first. Our first girls have graduated with honors and I am mighty proud.  Next year it is Emily's turn, and the year after that it will be Ashley.. then we take a year off before Abby and Linzie graduate. Wow.. I feel like my life is on fast forward!

Congratulations, my sweet girlies! You did it!

Oh The Drama Of Turning 40!

I promised myself that I would sit down this morning and update this blog before I began my day. My schedule is so hectic lately that I rarely have time for myself so if I don't make a firm commitment to update here then... well, as you've probably already noticed... it just doesn't get done.

Here we go..

Let's back up to the last few days of May and the first few days of June. I was still adjusting to a new rhythm of life working for Google. My day starts ridiculously early and I don't get two days off in a row.  (I know, it kinda sucks) Memorial Day happened to be on my birthday this year and I was stunned to see that it was snowing when I left for work. Snowing! On May 30! Shenanigans! I headed off to work and tried not to think of my family all snug in their beds at home, and about how I would miss the grave visiting this year because of work.  But my girls had surprised me the night before with movie tickets to see Kung Fu Panda 2 and since animated movies have become a tradition for us on my birthday, I had something to look forward to all day even if I was bummed that Hubby had to work on my birthday. (Our schedules are opposite.. he's in bed when I go to work, he's gone to work when I get home, and I'm in bed when he gets home.. no bueno.)

I went straight to the theater after work. My girlies were meeting me there for the movie and I was looking forward to seeing them all. Ashley had flown in from Atlanta that afternoon and I hadn't even seen her yet. It wasn't long before we were all seated (nearly front row) in a theater packed with a gazillion crying, talking, laughing, chair-kicking little kids. Let the festivities begin! Actually, I kept looking toward the aisle because I was sure the girls were going to surprise me and have Hubby show up late to the movie.. but he never came. I swallowed that disappointment and enjoyed the movie with my girls. Seriously, I really did enjoy it. Skadoosh!

After the movie, some of the girls went in one car while Ashley and Abby came with me in my Jeep. I noticed a paper on my windshield from the police, admonishing me for leaving my purse on the front seat. I felt properly chastised and did a quick search to make sure everything was there.  It wasn't. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I realized that my wallet was not in my purse. I had Abby text Hubby to see if he had taken it out when he went to the store the previous day, but he wasn't answering messages.

I drove home stressed and quiet. It had been barely one year ago that my wallet was stolen and I had to recreate my identity. I did not want to go through all of that again. I pulled into the driveway and the garage door opener would not work. Last December one of the springs broke and I had to pay $200 to get it repaired so the door would open again. Great. Had another spring snapped on my birthday?  I felt like I was the one who would soon snap.

As I approached the front door, I noticed that all the blinds were closed...... then I heard giggles.... then I noticed the car across the street looked familiar. The realization came slowly, but I was pretty certain by then that my house was full of people. (Shenanigizers!) I put on a brave face and stepped up to the door.  SURPRISE! Just as I thought, the house was full of family and friends... and cutely decorated. It took me a moment to drink it all in. I saw this massive, beautiful cake on the buffet table in the kitchen and out of the corner of my eye, I saw my sweetheart sitting in his favorite rocking chair. He didn't have to work afterall! I was speechless.

I have never been an overly social person. I tend to keep to myself... you know, the one who stands off to the side, casually observing the scene?  Yep, that's me. Finding myself the center of attention was uncomfortable, but I did my best to manage a smile and thank everyone for being so generous with their time and talents. But remember the wallet?  Yes, it was still missing and the pit in my stomach just got colder by the minute.

The gifts I was given were so very thoughtful.. and I cried in front of everyone as I opened a delicate notebook filled with my Sweet Grandma's handwriting. It was her account of our trip to Boston years ago. What a treasure it is to read her thoughts of that special time we shared. Even now I choke up at the thought of it. I will never get over the emptiness left in me when she passed away. Oh how I miss her!

Hubby was working hard to dish up the enchiladas, bean dip and guacamole he had prepared for our guests, but by then he also knew the wallet was missing and I could see the worry etched on his face. I had called the store to see if my wallet had been turned in but no luck. It was gone. I will always feel badly about how the missing wallet overshadowed the hard work that my girls and other family members had put in for weeks to throw me a surprise party. I wish I could have a do-over.  My darling Linzie even went down to her room in tears. She said it was the worst thing that could ever happen.  I held her in my arms and assured her that a missing wallet was just a thing that could be replaced. My family are the most precious things in the world to me and as long as I have them then I haven't lost anything.  I held her hand and brought her back to the party.

I'm a party wrecker... I'm ashamed to admit that. My mood brought everyone down and although I can't change it now, I did learn a valuable lesson from it. No matter what, make sure that the people around you feel appreciated and give them their moment to shine.  I took the shine from my girls that day with the wallet drama and I wish I could take it all back.

After all the guests had gone, Hubby said he wanted to go to the store to look for the wallet himself. I had already cancelled my cards and I knew the odds of finding it were zero, but it was still my birthday. My 40th birthday.  I told him I would ride with him so I could spend a few more moments with my favorite people before I had to go to bed and rest up for work early the next morning.

The girls and I were barefoot so we waited in the Durango while Hubby went in the store. I thanked them over and over for being such thoughtful girls. I truly loved all they had done for me. But the sadness was still there.. under the surface. Stupid wallet! As Hubby returned to the Durango with his head hung low, I was grateful that he had tried. I felt so loved by my family that day! I knew he felt bad so I reassured him it was just "stuff" and that it would all be fine.  That's when he grinned.

With great flourish, he pulled his hand from behind his back and TA DA! There was my wallet! The same store that had told me hours earlier that there was no wallet turned in actually had it the whole time! The joyful cheers filled the Durango and Hubby was a hero. (I still tease him that he lost it on purpose so he could pull off a surprise of his very own!)

By the time I went to bed that night, I was so exhausted. I had experienced the full range of emotions that day and I couldn't take it all in.  I will probably always feel apologetic about my 40th birthday surprise party... I did kinda ruin it you know... But I'm certain it will be one that we will never forget!

Thank you everyone who came to celebrate (Sorry for the drama) and thank you to Stephanie Randquist for making such a yummy, exquisite cake!  Thanks most of all to my sweet girlies, Hubby, favorite sis and my mom for working so hard on something special just for me. You are all the best and I am so very lucky to have you in my life!

Coming up later this week.... the story of my babies' graduation. Can you believe it?!

Enjoy these pictures of the pre birthday preparations... not a lot of pics were taken of the actual party, but trust me, we enjoyed being together!

My cute girls sneaked off on a Saturday to make cupcakes at Grandma's house with Aunt Missy!

Movie tickets, gummy cokes and Red Bull.. They knew they had to keep me awake through the movie!

I was given a Kindle with a giftcard for books (yay!), a beautiful necklace with all my girls' names and birthstones, and a precious journal that was my Sweet Grandmother's.

How amazing is this cake that my former sister-in-law was kind enough to make for me? It was super delicious too!