The Earth Is Given Into The Hands Of The Wicked

Today I am helping Carley prepare for a scholarship interview tomorrow and she chose to highlight this piece for the interview. So although today's writing is for Carley and won't be published on any blog, I wanted to at least share this beautiful painting with you.

The Earth Is Given Into The Hands Of The Wicked -Monotype in Oil, Carley Randquist 2010

I always wished I had artistic ability. Though it appears my daughter ended up with all of that particular talent, I don't mind. I'm one proud mama! 

My Non-Mormon Mommy Blog

So I have heard a buzz in the news lately that Mormon Mommy Blogs are gaining intense popularity, even from people who are not Mormon.  Here's my dirty little secret:  I read those blogs too! Every single day in fact. There's something intriguing about the way they describe their lives as full of sunshine, happiness and fabulous parties thrown in their backyards with charming strings of lights dangling from the picturesque tree (which probably has a perfect tree house in it as well.)

Charming I tell you!

My life could never be like that. I don't know what it is, but I seriously could never pull that off. I can't tell you how many times I have read about the Mormon Mom bragging that her husband is home with her every day and how she loves making cupcakes for the neighbors all day long and how some hoyty toyty famous photographer just happens to drop by so they ended up having an impromptu family photo shoot.

Really??

They send their adorable gaggle of  kids outside to make snow angels while the photographer snaps away. I wonder why those kids aren't in school, but more importantly, how do they make snow angels in their backyard when I KNOW they have a huge dog in their family? We have dogs too.  If I sent my girls to the backyard to make snow angels they would end up with something other than snow all over them.  Maybe they have a secret to get their dog to use a litter box? Could I get someone to share with me the secret to the yard without doggie doo.. without getting rid of the dogs?

Those MMB's (Mormon Mommy Bloggers) talk about making healthy vegetarian dinners that their children love even as they talk about the fantastically fun lunch date they had with 20 of their closest gal pals earlier in the day.  Okay.  First of all, I have not raised picky eaters... but I KNOW my kids would not be doing cartwheels over nothing but veggies all the time. (well, maybe Carley would.. she seems to have a distrust of meats.) As for the lunch dates... again, where is all this money coming from?

Oh wait a minute.. maybe the money is coming from their Etsy shops where they sell cutesy homemade headbands to each other. I seriously need to figure out how to make money on Etsy!

Don't get me wrong. I love these blogs, I really do. I just think they read more like fiction. I have the same components they do.. a husband, house, SIX girls, two dogs (ugh) and my house runs nothing like theirs does. I refuse to believe that just because they are mormon their lives are so perfectly perfect that money grows on trees and the happy fairy visits three times a day.

Whereas the MMB's will write about sunshiney days with scents of homemade cookies wafting in the air, I might write about the inversion that traps thick brown air all around us and how I light every available candle in the house to cover up the smell of burned eggs, popcorn.. whatever the kids happened to ignite last. MMB's write about how charming their husbands are and how they love afternoon naps together while the children play quietly with their siblings. While I do happen to think my Hubby is charming in his own ridiculous sort of way, if Hubby and I tried to take a nap (Laughing about even the THOUGHT of that) then the kids would be playing loud video games, arguing in the kitchen or stomping up and down the stairs.  Where's the peace in that?

By the way, if a famous photographer happens to be reading this blog, I'd love it if you would just drop by to take some wonderful pictures of my (im)perfect family! Then when Hubby and I are driving around with nothing to do, we can get all giddy over the thought of IKEA frames for our perfect family photos!  Yay! (Or should I say "Squeee!") 

Here's a glimpse into my non-mormon home:

• Charming Hubby takes up juggling as a hobby as we try to pay all the bills. Being out of work is not fun for this mom and I spend every morning searching the job listings.
• The family computer is on the fritz again and the dogs are increasingly on my nerves. I remind the family every day that I'm not a dog person and they remind me that I thought the dogs were cute when they were puppies. 
• The girls each have a million different school activities that require lots of dropping off and picking up.. good thing I have teenagers to help with the driving chore! 
• Possibly the scariest question I get asked is "What's for dinner?" Remember the whole money thing? It's tough making great dinners when you lack the funds to do so! Last night the little girls made egg salad sandwiches again and Hubby playfully declared them "fart sandwiches" because of the thick smell of boiled eggs in the air. (Hubby didn't eat a sandwich)
• Second semester means all the girls have a new round of school fees. When the heck did school become so expensive?? Everyone has fees that have to be paid right this minute. Still not enough money. 
• I am constantly nagging the kids to put down the cell phones, iPods, whatever... so that they will look up and interact with the actual world which is right in front of them.
• Child A hurt the feelings of Child B and they are now locked in a silent war with plenty of dirty looks to go around. Meanwhile, Child C thinks it is unfair that Child D seems to have a cushier life and Child C either wants a cushy life or wants Child D brought down to the same level. Hubby has engaged in a standoff with Child E over the messy bedroom that needs to be cleaned up. I hear threats of the door being removed again.  Time for me to referee everyone and restore some semblance of peace to the warring factions. 
• My microwave has been missing parts for years. By missing parts I mean that the front face plate was sawed off by Hubby when a button quit working and now we have to smoosh our fingers in the hole to reach the circuit board in order to get it to work. The digital display doesn't work either so you just have to guess how much time is left and try not to burn anything. 
• Don't get me started on the fiasco with the dishwasher. Turns out the soap scum isn't our fault but the environmentalists who declared phosphates bad for the enviornment so there was a ban and now all the dishsoaps are crap. I'm told that the only way to avoid scummy dishes is to get a water softener installed... they cost about $1,000. Again with the money thing!
• Madi's car needs a bunch of things replaced/repaired before it is road worthy. Madi's mood is in a freefall over not having a car.  She has forgotten how happy she was to be rid of the van that was breaking down all the time. She wants her freedom and we want her to have her freedom too... but darn that money! We are making the repairs as quickly as possible. 
• Because it is winter and the temperatures are cold, my Durango does not like to reverse. It sputters and dies unless I put one foot on the brake and one on the gas pedal and peel out like a NASCAR driver. Last night I was in the process of doing that when (thankfully!) I happened to notice Hubby's truck parked right behind me in the driveway. Narrowly escaped another insurance claim. Whew! 
• Medical crisis seems to be our speciality and there's another on the horizon that will coincide with an important graduation. June is going to kill me! I wonder if Madi would consider a trip to Atlanta for Ashley's surgery an adequate senior trip? No? Do her friends have to come for it to be a senior trip? Darn!

I love my family, I really do! We don't have a surplus of money and the kids don't get to see Hubby as much as they would like because he has to work swing shift. But the time we do have is usually spent laughing, talking and enjoying each others' company. I don't make cupcakes but I did make a chocolate Cherry Coke cake last week that had real Caribbean Rum in the cream cheese frosting. I did feel bad that Madi's uber Mormon friend was completely freaked out by it but she didn't eat the cake so her eternal salvation is not on the line. My girls all ate the cake and loved it... there wasn't enough rum in the frosting for any long lasting ill effects to their health so we enjoyed it. (Hubby enjoyed two pieces!) After the cake we watched a movie about an alcholic country singer. Good times.  ;)

My point is...  was there a point?  Oh yeah! I love the Mormon Mommy Blogs, as I said I read them every day, but I think they are leaving out the messy details and publishing sanitized versions that are as rosy and happy as the Prozac that they hide in their medicine cabinets. Now now.. I'm not judging! It is a fact that Utah has the highest rate of anti-depressant use than any other state. Maybe they bake it into their cupcakes, I don't really know. But I do have experience being a Mormon (long long time ago) and I can tell you that religion alone isn't a magic carpet ride to happiness.

While I appreciate how so many people feel uplifted by those Mormon blogs, I think it's a lot like the Wizard of Oz hiding out behind the curtain. What you see isn't necessarily what you get. Life is messy... life is hard and hearts break all the time. It should be just as fulfilling to read about overcoming hardships or even just surviving those trials with our sense of humor in tact. Why not share our trials along with our solutions and help each other out along the way? Is it really better to hide it than to put it out there so others can learn from our mistakes?

I'm a non-mormon mommy blogger that loathes cleaning toilets and I loved having the bed all to myself when Hubby was out of town the other night... and I'm not afraid to admit it.  ;)

Ashley's Heart Update

Because my Hubby is on a plane headed home right now, I will share with you the text message he sent me today to update me on the meeting with the doc.

"Ashley will be getting an Amplatzer in June. Her hole is 10 to 12 mm. Ellen said she is sorry for hurting your feelings and she said you and the girls should come out for the surgery."

So that's good news! The Amplatzer is exactly what I was hoping for because it is what Linzie had placed in her heart when she was 9 years old so we know what to expect. It is a relatively simple and routine procedure that involves inserting the umbrella-like device over the hole in her heart by going up through the artery in her leg. Linzie's entire operation, which included two different procedures, was over in 40 minutes total. Ashley will likely have a sore leg for a week or so and will have to take it easy for about a month while taking a baby aspirin every day for heart therapy.

She will do just fine!

The tricky part will be coordinating schedules in June because Carley and Madi graduate on June 2nd.. hopefully we won't have to split the parenting to attend both events at the same time. 

I Love Him, But He's Delusional

The goal for today is to keep busy, not think and not stress.  Yeah, right!  Unfortunately the entire reason for needing such a goal in the first place is because Hubby is in Atlanta today with his ex.. and with Ashley to have a consultation on her heart issue.  If you've been keeping up with my life lately, you know what a sticky mess that whole situation is.

Not fun.

The last time I saw Hubby was yesterday afternoon as he left for work because he caught the red-eye flight to Atlanta after work. We did talk a bit through instant messaging but really the whole thing was just awk-weird because we were both tense about the situation.  But what surprised me... what really floored me was this comment from Hubby:


"I know what you want for valentines day so here's what I want. Call of duty 4(modern warfare) and call of duty modern warfare 2 for the 360" 

There's a few things wrong with this declaration of Hubby's.  First of all, he hates Valentine's Day. Always has, always will. I can't tell you how many holidays I spent secretly wiping tears away when the day went unacknowledged completely. We even have a Valentine's Day memory that will forever live in infamy.. and that's not a good thing.  Back when I was younger and still held on to romantic notions such as Valentine's Day, I had purchased him a hard-to-find CD that I knew he would love because he had brought up the band more than once over the course of a year. (I paid attention!)  I also bought him a funny/sappy card and waited all day to be able to give it to him.  We weren't married yet, so the whole romantic dating thing should have been a given but he had no such inclinations. He took the CD, left the card unopened and told me he was going out to the bars with his buddy, Steve. Ummm.. excuse me??  Needless to say, I shredded the unopened card and shed more than a few tears that night.  


So we have established that Hubby hates Valentine's Day, and after more than one V-Day debacle, he has more or less convinced me to hate it too. For the past few years I have concentrated on just my girlies for Valentine's Day and that has worked out great! They always appreciate it and they are my five true loves anyway. But the biggest thing that bugs me about his message last night was that he seemed to be phoning in a gift order.  Seriously?? Who does that?   

Valentine's Day, as I see it, is a day for people who love each other to show that love and affection with romantic, loving gestures or heartfelt tokens given as gifts that represent the best loving emotions. Are you with me on this? Based on that, shouldn't the gift be chosen by the giver? I thought so too! 


Here's what I should have typed in response: 


Dear Delusional Man,
You may be cute, but I'm afraid you have your holidays mixed up. Christmas is the holiday that embraces writing letters to Santa, detailing what gifts you'd like him to bring you since you've been such a good boy. Santa then chooses items from those wish lists to deliver to good children on Christmas Eve.  However, Valentine's Day is the holiday for people to choose to share their love with symbolic tokens such as flowers, candy or small gifts bearing sentimental value.  Although I do not deny that I love you, two violent video games are not exactly the token gift I would choose to give on such an occasion.  Although I appreciate your suggestions, I think I can come up with something on my own that will be more suitable.  Thanks!

As much as I believe he completely deserves such a response, I somehow doubt it would have gone over very well.  (things are already tense, remember?) Being put on the spot like that, I lacked a snappy comeback so I'm sure Hubby thinks that his video game order has been placed. 

Here's the actual conversation in it's entirety: 

Hubby:  I know what you want for valentines day so here's what I want. Call of duty 4(modern warfare) and call of duty modern warfare 2 for the 360.

  

me:  uh....  okaaayy.  But I didn't know I wanted anything for valentine's day.

Hubby:  Yes you told me the other day. 

(He may be referencing my comment the other day about needing a new Kitchenaid mixer, but I can't be certain about that.)

  

me:  no I did not.. and if that is what you heard then you heard wrong. 

Hubby:  That's what I heard. So there. 

me:  besides, you're working on Valentine's Day so I think that cancels the holiday.

Hubby:  No comprende.

It baffles the mind, doesn't it? Sometimes it is like having another child to raise.. a very naughty child who never listens!

Hubby is serious about his video games. Here he is playing a racing game with my brother and the kids.

PS:  It is almost noon in Georgia and Hubby hasn't even sent me a text to say hello, let alone pass along an update. That sucks.

Swimming With The Sharks Without Becoming Chum

Have you ever walked into a furniture store and felt like chum on Shark Feeding day?  Yeah, I know you know what I'm talking about! I understand they work on commission and therefore have to tackle the fresh meat customers as they come in the door. I get it, I understand it, and occasionally I even appreciate their razor sharp teeth sinking into my flesh courteous helpfulness.

Furniture stores= chumfest.  Check!

The whole furniture store thing doesn't surprise me. In fact, sometimes I like to pretend I am a clipper ship and those salesmen are barnacles on my hull. They're just doing their barnacle thing and can't help themselves, therefore I can cruise around the store oblivious to the barnacles cruising along with me. Sometimes I may even bait one or two to see how many I can get to trail after me... on those days we aren't playing clipper ship, no sirree bob! Those days we are playing Haley's Freaking Comet!

Lately there's a new trend that I've been observing from a distance and this one has me completely annoyed intrigued!  I'm talking about the salespeople that hunt in packs at our local warehouse grocery store. See, I have a big family and that necessitates shopping in bulk. That's right, I'm talking Sam's Club.. the holy grail of grocers that enables you to buy enough aluminum foil at a time to do this:


 
That's some poor professor's office under all that foil! Just check out the individually wrapped books in the bookcase!  Apparently whoever did that also buys time in bulk because that would take a fairly large chunk of it to accomplish all of that and I for dang sure don't have that much on hand!
(I'm still looking for the aisle where time is stocked, if you happen to locate it give me a call.)

I digress.

Lately when I go to Sam's Club, I have to mentally prepare myself before walking in the door. Not only do they have that annoying guy that stands guard at the entrance to make sure you have your membership card (Of course I have a card, why else would I even BE there?! And, if I DIDN'T have a card, couldn't I just walk over to the front desk and GET one? Why are you even here, Guard Boy?) but now they have people standing just on the edges of the aisles to catch unsuspecting shoppers and force them to buy cell phones, Direct TV,  family portrait sessions, bags of mixed nuts.. whatever! Sheesh! Can't I just get my 75lbs of butter in peace?!

The other day there was someone handing out samples of Lysol antibacterial wipes and I giggled out loud. I can imagine the frustration of the "grazers" that come to the stores to happily munch on the freebies offered every ten feet. Will they even notice they have been given antibacterial wipes before they hastily pop one in their mouth out of grazer habit?  Haha! I am so easily amused!

Again, I digress.  Too much funny fodder at Sam's Club I suppose!

So there I am, at Sam's Club, and I see the sharks circling ahead of me. If I dodge them they'll sense weakness and then I'm a goner. I could pretend to be fascinated by the bulk masking tape, but how long could I possibly feign interest in a convenience package of 10,000 feet of tape anyway? Probably not long enough for them to find another victim.

Darn!

I could just use the standard approach of walking past them with my eyes glued forward, pretending they aren't there, but how original is that? Everyone does that, right?  Well would you look at that! Suddenly nothing exists except what is in front of me, therefore Mr. Annoying isn't there and can't try to sell me anything. I'm telling you, it won't work. The sneaky sharks have evolved and are now immune to this trickery. This is why there are now TWO sharks at every station. If you try to ignore the one on the side, the other will step right out into your path. Then whattaya gonna do, run over the guy with your oversize grocery cart?

Nope, didn't think so.  None of us wants that embarassment.

Not to worry, I have a new plan that works perfectly every time! When you see the sharks circling, don't avoid them, instead look the fellas in the eye! As you make your approach you will see the sacrificial shark make his move to step out in front of you even as his buddy is preparing his totally fake happy greeting. This is where you put on your best "Sunday go to church" smile and when you're close enough to see the lines of their palms as they offer their predatory handshake, wait until the moment one of them starts to speak... it is almost always something like, "HEY! have you heard about our exciting.. yadda yadda yadda..." 

Now's your chance!

In your cheeriest voice say, "Oh, I KNOW! I already have it and I love it!"  And keep on walking, my friend. Just keep on walking.

This will stun the sharks every time. Not only do you have it, but you love it too! Their pitch has been safely disarmed and there's nothing more they can think of to say. 

Shopper 1 : Sharks 0

PS:  This is disturbing:

This is an actual picture of actual samples being given out at Sam's Club. Eeeeww! Please, Shoppers, no matter how hungry you are, PLEASE DO NOT EAT THIS SAMPLE!!

Never Completely Grown Up

Sunday evening was bliss.  After playing Kinect with the girlies for hours, I sort of wandered up to my room to attend to my Sunday evening routine. I was putting away laundry and getting ready to change the sheets on the bed. This is a weekend routine that I really enjoy. Nothing beats the comfiness of a freshly made bed! My favorite part about it is plopping down on the perfectly smoothed comforter, a mountain of pillows behind me and my laptop nearby so I can happily surf some favorite blogs.

See? Bliss!  But wait, it gets better!

It wasn't long before Carley found me. Carley also loves a freshly made bed.  As I surfed blogs, Carley picked up my iPod touch and began to play one of her favorite games with it.  Somehow I ended up on iTunes and began to explore the music for sale there.  Previously, I was one of the bad people who downloaded buckets of free music from Limewire. Yeah, yeah, I know it was wrong.  Anyway, since Limewire no longer exists I have given in to the limitations of actually paying for my music. The problem is that I find this type of music browsing extremely addictive and I end up buying more than I should. It didn't help that one of my besties was right there on the freshly made bed with me... and she loves music as much as I do.... and she was encouraging me to keep buying the tunes that made our toes tap.

This toe-tapping, music buying frenzy went on for hours.  About four hours to be exact.

The evening was fun and restorative. I felt happy and at peace with my surroundings. This was a big deal to me! We reluctantly decided it was time for the girlies to call it a night and head to bed shortly before 10PM.  Around our house, the process of going to bed includes braiding hair (for the perfectly crimped look), brushing teeth, and saying "Goodnight" at least 4 separate times each... so it takes at least 30 minutes for the kidlets to actually get to their rooms once the "Time for bed" prompt has been given.  I had no idea that the normal routine was about to take a turn for the goofy!

Carley had just finished braiding Linzie's hair and was preparing to head to her room when she noticed my Homedics therapeutic massager on the floor next to the bed. I originally purchased it about 11 years ago after I had three back surgeries in 6 months.. sometimes it is the only thing that can help ease the constant pain that I still endure.  Truthfully, I hadn't even had it out of the closet for many years because I had tucked it back behind a bunch of random shoe boxes and thought I must have accidentally given it away. 

Anyway....

Carley picked up the massager and said something along the lines of, "What IS this thing?" I explained to her what it was and told her to try it out. She was skeptical... it does look a bit intimidating.  I grinned as she carefully put it against her arm and then busted out laughing at the look of heaven that came over her.  She declared it the perfect treatment for her tired artist's hands!  I told her if she thought that felt good then she should try putting it on her back and THAT is how the hilarity began!


My goofy girls began running it up and down each others' backs, cracking up when one person would curl into a ball as it reached their ticklish necks. Suddenly they were acting like they were four years old again, reaching and grabbing it away from each other and oh how we laughed! I watched them bounce it on their noggins, turn their voices robotic by placing it on their backs or throat, and they died laughing when they realized if they placed it just right then their vision would get rattled.

So much for bedtime!

The playfulness and gut laughing went on for at least 30 minutes. Each time someone new would wander into the room to see what all the noise was about, the games would start anew.  I was enchanted by my teenage girls giving me a glimpse into their past. Without realizing it, they were reenacting what they used to do when they were little. In the process of shedding their little selves for more grown up versions, they had forgotten they were intrigued by the same object more than 10 years earlier and their antics were nearly the same. I loved seeing their "little" personalities again!

These girls are my heart and my happiness!

It was a perfect end to a perfect evening. We downloaded and shared great music, laughed until we were sick, and completely enjoyed each others' company.  That is my favorite kind of evening!

Taking Control

Yesterday I spent a lot of time with my girlies. These days my girls are all very busy doing their own independant thing so getting all of them together isn't an everyday occurrence anymore.. and it didn't happen yesterday either. But I did spend most of the day and evening with at least two of the girls at all times, and late at night they were all home and we chatted about our day as we watched Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart.

It was like taking the deep breath I've been needing.

I played Kinect games with Abby, Linzie and Carley.. and once or twice Emily was there too. We kicked, punched, swatted some awesome ping pong, and threw hundreds of bowling balls.  And we laughed.  I loved every minute of it! I find it amazing that technology has advanced to the point where we don't need game controllers anymore. I was proud of myself for hanging in there with my kiddos and even beating them in several events!

When Madi's friend called and asked her to hang out, I sort of pushed her to go. Part of me felt badly about it because it meant giving up time with my Mads.. but I hoped it would be worth it to her to get out and have fun. She looked adorable and her smiles were pretty big so I'm guessing she had a good time in spite of the actual event being kind of a stinker.

When I finally went to bed and began my unwinding time as everyone else drifted off to sleep, I reflected on the day and thought about how it was the first time in several days that I didn't feel overly stressed or uptight.  My girlies have a way of soothing me when no one else can. I need to put more energy into my girls than stressing about the things I cannot control.  I need to find a way to accept that, like it or not, there is a separation in our family.. a barrier that I cannot cross. I need to face those "steps" and then move on.

That's a big job.

I have had a miserable week. Not only have I been physically sick, but my heart has been down in the dumps too. I have been trying to jump over an impossible hurdle and only hurting myself more each time I failed. So last night I decided that I will concentrate on my girls and the things I can have a say in.  I am giving myself permission to let go of the pain I feel over Ashley.  It is not going to be easy, but by spending time with my girls and delighting in the wonderful young women they are, I will be actively participating in creating a Good Life. It doesn't get any better than that, right?

I'm still sad that Ashley has to go through such a difficult thing, but I have no control over it.. no say in what happens next. I'm a bystander who is now choosing to let the whole thing pass in front of me rather than get run over by it.  It's not a perfect solution, but it is the best I can do. I have to be able to find happiness every day in order to be the best mom that my girls deserve.

I'm sure there are still plenty of hurdles in my path, and I still grieve over the loss of the bond I thought I once had, but for now this has to happen. I can't keep beating myself up over wanting to be part of something that maybe wasn't all I thought it was.  If I treat this as an opportunity for personal growth then it can't be all bad... that's what I'm hoping for at least. 

Anyway, those are my thoughts on how to survive this "step" and hopefully things will be a little easier to bear in the days ahead. I'll be sure to let you know how it works out for me. Now if you'll excuse me, there are five girlies that I simply must go spend more time with. :)

Misery

I don't mean to be a total wuss but this virus is seriously kicking my butt!  My head hurts, my skin hurts, my eyeballs feel like they're melting.... (Btw, you don't want to google "melting head" trust me.. don't say I didn't warn you!)  I really hope I don't have that R2D2 flu!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a first class ticket on the ick flight and we have reached cruising altitude.

I have tried the normal routine but the uber magnetic pull of the heating pad keeps me tethered near the bed. No over the counter medicine can soothe quite like my little heating buddy that toasts me past the fever point. Somehow it feels better knowing it is my idea for my body temp to be so high.. take that Mr. Fever!

I did manage to fight my way through the misery long enough to:

1. Let Emily drive the Durango to her driving lesson. (scary, but I only yelled out once!)
2. Buy a Kinect for the girls. They love the new games and it's great to see their Ninja moves!
3. Make dinner with the Hubster.  Green salad and goulash. We may or may not have consumed a few pink and white circus animal cookies on the way home from the grocery store. "tastes like childhood!"
4. Watch a new episode of Fringe. Ohmigosh! I adore Walter!
5. Spend some quality time with Carley after she got home from her Art Council Committee volunteer job sometime after 10pm. So dang proud of that kidlet! She was tired but she stuck it out.. and the new gallery opens tomorrow. This deserves a blog post all by itself!
6. Blog

Now I am in bed, my best friend Mr. Toasty heating up my shoulder blades perfectly, and I'm ready to close my eyes.. I still feel like crap, but at least I can say I had a nice evening with my tribe.

I'll take it!

PS - You know those antibacterial wipes that the grocery store kindly supplies near the shopping carts? USE THEM! I use them all the time because you never know when someone like me will go to the grocery store even though they are too sick to be out of bed.  I didn't touch anything I didn't purchase, I promise!

The Good, The Bad and The Rest

The good news is that two of the girlies are beginning to feel better. They went to school yesterday and today, even if they did take a mini medicine cabinet with them.. at least they went, right? 

The bad news is that Hubby, Carley and I are now sick. We have a major case of the ick, complete with sore throats, lungs that hate us, and achy fever. (And yet Carley still went to school.. she's a trooper!)

The rest?  I wrote a blog post last night. Poured my heart out  and said all the things on my mind... left it up for about 20 minutes and then wondered if the cold medicine was affecting my better judgement. I took it down because I don't want to publish negativity on my blog.  Basically, I'm still hurting over recent events, and I feel like there's a giant gap between Hubby and I. And I'm trying to figure out what my role is with Ashley. I hate feeling like I have to hold back.. but when people are telling me that I have no business in certain events then what can I do?  It sucks. 

Marriage= frosty,  Parenting= divided, Life = confusing

Not Fair

Although I knew this latest medical drama would be difficult, I didn't expect it to turn so ugly so quickly. If you read my update yesterday then you know I was already feeling on the outs and it only got worse as the evening went on.

Long story short.. Hubby will be flying out to Atlanta to be with his former wife and his daughter. I'm am out of the equation completely and I don't feel good about it at all.

Me= Sad  Feelings= Squashed

My defenses have been triggered and I said some things I probably shouldn't have but I don't know what else to do when I've been (figuratively) told to mind my own business. (silly me, I thought Ashley was my business... guess I was mistaken.)

So as of last night there are two separate camps in my house and it really really sucks.

Being Strong For The Ones I Love

If you could look inside my thoughts and emotions today, you'd see a swirling dark cloud of chaos. I imagine it would look much like a tornado, complete with splintered barn wood, household appliances, and the occasional cow caught up in the vortex. In the middle of this dark storm there is a tiny slip of a girl with long, straw colored hair and she's wondering how she came to be in this confusing, scary place.... even as I'm wondering how to get her to a safe place in the sunshine, far away from the fearful darkness.

Last night we received a phone call from our sweet Ashley and after asking for her dad (who was at work),the first thing she said to me was, "I guess I have more in common with Linzie than anyone knew."

And just like that, a bomb dropped on our unsuspecting household. We didn't see it coming, we had no reason to even worry.. until now.

Ashley had a physical yesterday and during that appointment they discovered that she has Atrial Septal Defect (ASD) which is a hole between the upper chambers of her heart.  As far as congenital heart defects go, this is one of the most common and when it is discovered in kids it is completely treatable and no cause for extreme worry.

However, telling parents and family members something like that seldom eases their minds. After all, we are talking about a child's heart... the very center of their existence, just as that child is the very center of the parents' existence.

Ouch.

Now I find myself in a completely helpless position even though I have been down the ASD road before. My own Linzie had three major problems with her heart that were detected minutes after her birth. This is our Normal. Linzie had heart surgery when she was only days old and she was the smallest baby to ever have that procedure at Primary Children's Medical Center.. Or PCMC as we lovingly call it. Five years ago, we traveled that road again as Linz once more had surgery to repair two of the issues that stubbornly remained.  Five years later, Linz is fine. My girl is healthy and active, strong and happy. I couldn't have asked for a better outcome. I tell her all the time that she has a mighty heart.

With so much experience in this area, why then am I so helpless now? It's all about steps.

We have a saying around here... "In our family there are no steps." I truly mean that. Bill is my girls' dad and I am Mama Bear to Ashley. We know we were always meant to be a family and we work very well together. We are a tribe and we take the very best care of each other.

But...

In this situation there is a big Step right in front of me. I don't get to make any decisions about Ashley's health care. Even though I know what I would do for one of my own, I stand here helpless on the sidelines today. I'm not her mom... I'm Step-mom and today I have no voice. 

Ouch.

Today there have been many tears shed. The tears started last night and there's little I can do to ease the pain my family is feeling right now. I remind Hubby over and over that education is our armor. By doing our research and understanding what questions to ask, we will have a better grasp on the issues and a sense of calm in our hearts. We must believe that we are doing everything we can possibly do and then, when there's nothing more we can do on our own, we have to be able give the rest over to a higher power and trust that everything will be okay.

But nothing eases the pain of a father's heart when his little girl is fighting a battle that he can only watch.  And nothing I say or do will completely quell the fear he feels inside. I can only hold him when he cries and reassure him that I know in my heart that our girl will be fine.

I hate it that I have to sit this one out. I have always taken the lead when it comes to my girls' medical care. I research, plan and tell the Docs to tell me when it is "Go Time."  This method has never let me down in more than 18 years of parenting. This is going to be tough for me.

Next week we will know more. After more tests, the doctors will be able to recommend either open heart surgery or a more simple catheter procedure.  Oh how I wish Dr. Shaddy was in charge of this one!

For now we wait, and we think positive.. and I constantly reassure Hubby and my family that it is going to work out fine. We can't see the road ahead of us but I know that we will tackle it together.

"You've got to know it will be OK. It may not be OK right now, but it will be." - Madey Slaughter

I know in my heart of hearts that this will all be okay. There simply is no other option.

Our Girl

Please keep our Ashley in your thoughts and prayers. We found out today that she has a little problem with her heart that needs to be fixed.  We are hurting and fighting the fear of the unknown.  But I know she will be okay.. I just wish I could see the road ahead.

 

I tried to find a "normal" picture but our Ashley is always pulling faces or doing something silly.. that's one of the things we love about her the most. 

Love you, sweet girl. We will see you soon!

Chicken Soup and Cough Drops

Around here winter means cold, cough and flu season. YUCK! My mom is sick, three of my girlies are sick, and the pharmacy loves us! You know it's bad when we forgo our nightly hugs at bedtime, opting instead for "just a wave" and saying, "I'm hugging you with my mind!" I still love my little monkeys, I just want them to keep their germs to themselves as much as possible!

 

 The hacking coughs go on day and night, slowing down with meds but never fully stopping. The only consolation? The girls have pretty much been allowed to play Wii as much as they want to. I wish there was more I could do to comfort them!  

Abby models the Maui blanket while Linzie models the Lake Powell blanket. Poor sickos!

Today I decided to make some chicken noodle soup to take over to my Mom who is also very sick. She's been in bed for the last two days straight and that's saying something when it comes to my mom.. usually nothing gets her down! She says she can't taste anything but I'm hoping the warmth of the soup will be soothing to her anyway. I know I feel better just knowing that someone is thinking about me when I'm feeling crappy. 

This smaller pot of chicken noodle soup with dumplings is for Mom's household. The larger pot will stay here to feed my own little sicklings. I need to convince them that cough drops are not a food group! (Poor little munchkins are coughing away even as I type this! 

You know what? The dumplings were Ahhh-mazing! If you want the recipe, let me know. :)

I tried something new with the dumplings today, I made them from scratch (because I was out of Bisquick)  adding parsley and cheddar to the dough and I topped them with a little garlic salt and Gruyere cheese. I hope it turns out yummy!

I can only hope that the nasty virus will pass me by and that my sweeties will feel better soon! In the meantime, here's a few awesome pictures taken last fall from my driveway to help us look forward to Spring!

Full double rainbow all the way across the sky! 

OMG, what does it mean?!! 

(haha! Make sure you click the link above so you know what I am referring to!)

UPDATE:  We took the soup to Mom's but the poor little thing was still in bed so we didn't get to see her. My dad is now coming down with it too and he was stretched out in a comfy chair resting with his Nook and his dog nearby. It melted my heart! I hope everyone feels better soon!  

Say What?!!

I have recently heard a buzz about how the Zodiac signs have changed. Changed?? How does a Zodiac just change?  The long and short of it has to do with how the Zodiac signs were created based on a star system 3,000 years ago and apparently these gaseous little guys like to move around (who doesn't?) so their position in relation to the Sun, Earth and other objects of considerable mass have, most likely, changed a little bit.

Still with me?  Good, because this is where I explain why this has me vexed.

All my life I have been a Gemini. Born under the sign of Castor and Pollux, I could easily explain away my sudden mood swings, opposing ideas, and wild imagination. Geminis are also intellectually inclined and have a penchant for books because the constant search for knowledge drives them. Sounds good so far, right?  People with the Gemini Zodiac are also full of great ideas (Thinking about situations from at least two points of view... Capisce?) but would rather be part of the team than rush forward to the lead.  Mmm hmm..  I get it, I relate to it, I've BEEN that person for 39 years! I am also a Gemini who married not one, but TWO Geminis, and I have two sets of TWINS!

Face it, there's a duality theme here that's tough to ignore.

BUT! Now with the sudden Zodiac change I'm supposed to just accept  being reclassified as a Taurus. Huh wha?  (How can they suddenly change, anyway? Haven't those trouble-making stars been moving around for thousands of lifetimes?) Now I'm expected to cast off my Twin identity and run with the Bulls? I'm sure there's something in the Gemini Zodiac that explains how I can easily accept change...as long as I have a say in it. And let's not forget that my Hubby, my SOUL MATE, is no longer a Gemini either. Two Tauruses under the same roof? How does THAT work?

Let's examine Taurus a bit.

According to astrology.com, Taurus is all about reward. Driven not by the love of the game, but rather the rewards of the game, Taurus is all about comfort and excess.  Okaaaay....  The astrology experts go on to say that those born under the Taurus sign are extremely hard working, stubborn and dependable. A Taurus will work themselves to the bone to complete a task and then they'll reap the rewards after the job is done. (Uh oh, this is starting to sound familiar!)

"The great strength of Taurus is in their stability, loyalty and dogged determination. Bulls want to get the job done, and they will. What better way to get the riches they so fervently crave?"

I'm starting to wonder if Hubby wrote this description of himself and paid someone at Astrology.com to upload it for him! Taurus people love all things nature and outdoors... and you should see all of the pictures Hubby has been posting of Lake Powell on his Facebook page this week!  Finally, described as being extremely loyal, paitient and dependable along the way, this whole Taurus thing might be the best description of my Hubby that I have heard in a long time!

But where does that leave our Gemini roots?

When I first mentioned this switcharoo to Hubby earlier in the week, his response was, "I was born a Gemini and I'm staying Gemini!"  I felt the same way! We are not the kind of people that plan our day around a horoscope, and we will be the first to tell you that anyone can see something of themselves in any Zodiac sign.  But still... everyone knows their Zodiac sign, right?  After our birth date, names and a few basic motor skills, I think learning our SIGN was one of the first things we were all taught. It was somehow important to the Universe that we be able to properly identify ourselves Zodiac-ally and we rose to the task.  (I love making up new words, by the way.. another GEMINI trait!)

Not to worry, I have a solution to this astrological conundrum. ("Logical postulation that evades resolution" - For those of you who are learning a new word today.)

I have decided to declare myself Gemini.. and Hubby too.  Luckily for us, being Gemini, we can claim TWO of everything, so we hereby claim to be both Gemini AND Taurus.  How do you like THAT you cosmos tricksters?  By looking at the dilemma from two points of view (Gemini and Taurus) I can accept traits from both Zodiac signs for myself, and definitely for Hubby, and stubbornly work my way through it to the decision that we are not switching signs, but adding a new dimension to our Zodiac identity.

Now, where are those rewards??

"Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work."

I held Hubby's hand as we walked across the movie theater parking lot... echoes of distant memories were all around me. He recounted how he first saw me walking through that parking lot, and even described what I was wearing that day. I was going to a movie by myself all those years ago because my little girls were spending the weekend with their dad and I had no other friends that lived nearby. It was a heartbreaking and confusing time for me; the end of a marriage is never easy. I didn't know then that the smiling stranger waving to me in the parking lot would be the best thing that ever happened to me (other than my sweet girls) and that my future with him would be so full of love and laughter. Ten years ago I met my best friend in a parking lot and Friday night we  had a fun date to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary by going back to where it all began.  Oh how I love this man!

Eight years ago I married my best friend.  In my twenties, I would have thought that eight years was a lifetime! Not so! My sweet hubby and I are just now getting past all of those relationship blips that so many people (including us) stumble on and then wind up with a spectacular face plant!It's all about learning to navigate the little things so we can enjoy the big picture.  His little quirks, my weepy moments, handing out the compliments and dishing out the love for reassurance.  Huge nuclear fights and quiet stewing for days...it's all part of the learning process. (Although I'd much rather skip the fighting and stewing altogether!) I try to explain to my girls that it's not about the fight, it's about the process of negotiating each others' feelings and learning to do it better next time. 

I've been thinking about marriage quite a bit this week. There have been behind the scenes conversations about what a marriage is and why it's ok for Hubby and I to yell at each other for two solid hours and then simply be done with it so we can cuddle on the couch. I've heard it said that in a marriage there are a million reasons to fall out of love, but the marriage itself will hold you together long enough to fall in love again with the same person.  I couldn't have said it better myself!

Marriage is so much more than filing joint taxes and having someone to kiss on New Year's Eve. My Hubby is my best friend, my snuggle bug, my confidante, and my partner in crime. When I'm having a particularly tough night refereeing the girls, I know I can email or text Hubby at work to get some sympathy and promises of extra hugs when he gets home.  Don't tell the kids, but we tag team this parenting gig. If I'm having a bad day, Hubby takes over and vice-versa.  Girls beware if both parents are having an off day at the same time! 

I've said it a million times before, but it has to be said again- I am so grateful for this wonderful man in my life who willingly took on a single mom and her five little girlies. I don't think there are many men on the planet who would volunteer for this life, let alone rock it the way my Hubby does!  Our marriage has not been perfect,  but we learn from our mistakes and we are proud of the family we have nurtured and the bonds we strengthen together.

Baby, thank you for being my best friend and greatest ally. I love our travel adventures, camping trips with the girlies, family movie nights, finding great war stories to share (BOB), and playing footsie with you on the couch or when you're sleeping. I admire your fearlessness, your enthusiasm for life and your awe-mazing work ethic!  Thank you for helping me be a better person, for being the Dad the girls need in their lives, and for your never-ending goofiness that keeps us all in fits of giggles!  You are my favorite, you are my everything. I love you to the end of time and back again!

Muah!

Happy eighth anniversary, Sweetheart!  

How about another 50 at least?

This Lil Guy..

When I'm troubled, or sad... or sometimes when I just have a little time to daydream......  

I think of this guy:

 

And wish I could afford to buy him from this oh so charming store that I happened to walk by on a beautiful October day in Concord, Massachusetts:  

Perceptions

Because sometimes it's nice to get away from the stress of the real world, 

and imagine how it must feel to touch his regal plume. 

Or his smooth, shiny back.

I think his antique wheels must squeak a tiny bit

as they are gently rolled across a smooth coffee table 

where he would undoubtedly spend his days

perched in proud splendor.
 Then I imagine that he is much larger than any table,

because the entire world dangles from his beak.

We are all just tiny people,

hitching a ride

from a Bird on Wheels.

Wisdom

Me:  "Oh Carley, life is so hard sometimes."

Carley:  "I know... but what else are you gonna do?"

Broken Hearts

Our hearts are breaking tonight after hearing the news that beautiful Madey Slaughter has passed on after her valiant battle against cancer. 

When we heard the news we were actually in the process of working with Jennifer at The Vintage Pearl to order keepsakes for each member of the Slaughter family. With tears streaming down our faces, we completed the order for necklaces, bracelets and other items with the assurance from Jennifer that at least one of the necklaces would ship tomorrow so the family could still give it to Madey if they choose to do so.

I am so impressed with the generous friends of Hillary and Madey Slaughter who all donated for this cause, and I am humbled and grateful for the angels at The Vintage Pearl who generously donated the rest so that we can offer this family gifts of remembrance in this great time of sorrow.

Please keep the Slaughter family in your thoughts and prayers.

How was YOUR day?

Today is my sweet Emily's 17th birthday! That's right, a mere 13 months after having twins, Emily entered our lives and forever changed us for the better.  She's awesome, that girl!  Of the oldest three girls, Madi is our logical thinker, Carley is the artist, and Emily is our entertainer who loves any stage.  There's definitely no shortage of things to do/see/pay fees for around here. ;)

So, how DID I spend my time on this auspicious day?

I woke up early (or so I thought) to make breakfast for the birthday girl. It's kind of a tradition around here to make breakfast on birthdays. But Carley had beat me to it.. eggs were sizzling, toast was... toasting so I just threw some hashbrowns in a skillet so I could participate. Em came into the kitchen and I gave her a gift of clothing (her favorite) as I continued to make breakfast with Carley. But my favorite part of the birthday breakfast was when Hubby stumbled sleepily down the stairs and then did a sort of zombie shuffle toward Emily in order to give her a birthday hug...  (Arms straight out, knees locked as he walked.. no joke!) We all had a good laugh and then it was time for the girlies to leave for school.

The rest of the day went something like this:

Me- 2 hour appointment
Hubby- Physical Therapy for his shoulder
Me- search for something special to make for dinner
Hubby- Starving, needs lunch immediately. (whines a little more than neccessary)
Me- reassure Hubster that there's food for his lunch while waiting for my BFF from kindergarten to pick up the gazillion pretzels I made for her daughter's wedding which is the following day.
Hubby- scarf some foodage, gets ready for work, clean battery cables (I have no clue.. I don't even ask anymore)
Me- Oh crap, I need to get the birthday cake!
Hubby- kissy kissy, now off to work!
Me- Uh, what the heck to make for a special dinner?
Linzie- Won first place in the art show!
Me- CONGRATS, Linz!  Uh, the art show is today?  As in 2 hours from now??
Linz- Yeah, can you come?
Me- Of course!
Me- Still have to get pretzels to bff, still need dinner idea, still need cake! (Starting to panic)
Carley- Whatcha doin after school today, Mom?
Me- I kinda want to go to the art show.
Carley- What the crap? No one told me the art show was today!
Me- Yeah, Linz took first!
Carley- WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!!
Me- I just did.  ;)
Carley- Em is having a bad day, Mom. She's sad.
Me- Uh.. we need to fix that.
Emily- *sob* Had a bad day, Mom.  Hopes = dashed.  Mood= squashed.
Me- No worries, Em.  We'll fix you right up!
Me- Email to bff- tried to call, have the wrong number (not such a good bff if I don't have the right number!) Art show/birthday emergency plz call me when you can.
Carley- Didja talk to Em?
Me- Yeah.. we need to fix this. Call Matt (Em's boyfriend... looooooong story there) make arrangements for Matt+balloons+milkshake to surprise Em while she is at play rehersal.
Carley- Done. But mom?  I have no money. Meet me at art show with cash?
Me- Be right there!
Me- arrive at art show only to discover that they JUST closed the silly thing! ARGH! Are you kidding me? Are you KIDDING me?!!
Linz- Sorry mom.  We can try again tomorrow?
Me- Absolutely! Sorry for being late, Linz. (sad faces all around)
Carley- I will get Matt and milkshake, you get balloons. Meet at the high school parking lot?
Me- Good plan but I need to get pizza too!
Carley- We can do that later, after the school.
Me- uh.. okay. (my puppet strings are short.. lol)
BFF- Hey, can I pick up those pretzels now?
Me- *sigh*  explaining "Operation Save The Birthday" to BFF, hoping she'll understand.
BFF- no worries! Totally understood. We'll hook up after the wedding rehersal.
Me-  sent Madi and Linz in the store to get balloons while I ordered pizzas.
Abby- Hi Mom! Are you guys done yet?
Me- Uh.. no.  But we're working on it. Meet you at the school.
Me- Balloons purchased, pizzas ordered, rush to school for Em's BIG surprise.
Me, Carley, Abby, Linzie, Madi, and Matt- patiently wait at school with balloons and milkshake as we watch Emily's rehersal.
Emily- Ohmigosh, Ohmigosh!  Yay! *sharing milkshake with every friend in the vicinity* community spoon= ick! (Birthday saved) Can friends come for pizza too?
Me- Absolutely!
Me- *thinking* crap! Still need to pick up pizza and cake. Now need ice cream, drinks, chips and other party essentials.

Kids pile into my car, kids pile into Carley's car. Balloons also in my car, community milkshake goes with Emily in Carley's car. (Boyfriend also goes with Emily.. no surprise there)

Hubby- (text message) What's up?
Me- IF YOU ONLY KNEW!

Kids dropped off, Madi and I hop back in the car for pizza, cake, ice cream, chips, dips, and drinks! (two carts went in opposite directions at the store.. we rocked it!)

Home again to the happy chaos of LOUD teenagers playing video games. Pizzas in the oven, pizzas in the kiddos. Kiddos happy, Birthday Girl happy = Mom happy.

Kitchen= disaster but worth it!

Carley- drives home 1st carload of friends.

BFF- picked up the gazillion pretzels for wedding. BFF happy = Me relieved!

Carley- drives home 2nd carload of friends.

Hugs and Goodnights all around.

Kiddos- T. I. R. E. D!

Me- T. I. R. E. D!

Another successful Flash Mob party...the first of 2011.  (But knowing us, this is only the beginning!)

Insomnia? There's An App For That!

Ever since December 25th, there's been a lot of app-ing going on around here.  For those who may not get my meaning immediately, what I mean to say is that there are approximately five iPods in this house that have the capability to amuse for hours with silly games otherwise known as - "Apps."

My loving family has been sucked into the underworld of apps!

Easily my favorite to play is Fruit Ninja.  First of all, anything with a Ninja in it automatically gets my vote. Secondly, that game totally rocks! I could spend hours swiping fruit out of existence (and late at night I do!) as I strive for the high scoring combos! They say Ninjas don't like fruit... if that's true then I will have to take a vow of fruit silence because I think my skill clearly indicates that I was born for this job!


 My girlies like this Pocket God app that allows them to have complete dominion over little native dudes that are in complete awe of rainbows.  "Ooooh, what does it mean???" I tinkered with it a bit before heading back to my Ninja fruit-stalking duties. There's only so much fun to be had by dropping those little natives into the ocean anyway.

Carley rules at this little game called "Cut the Rope" where the premise is to use physics (psychics?) to cleverly cut the dangling candy so that you collect stars AND feed the adorable froggy that just sits there making hungry baby noises and opening his mouth when the candy is near. Admittedly, this game IS fun but what I don't want to admit is that Carley is WAY smarter than me when the upper levels started getting complicated. My little froggy dude would starve if it weren't for the clever abilities of Carley!

Yesterday I was having a bit of an off day... I have an earache that is killing me and making me not want to do much other than plop my head on a heating pad and hope I don't cook my brains while soothing the ache in my ear with electricity.  There's not a lot a person can do with their ear aimed at the ground.... so I checked out the Apps!  I ninja-ed for a while and even achieved my new high score but then I wanted something new and Apple has been a sneaky fiend lately by offering so many Apps for only .99 so I could try a few new things.  And that's when I discovered "The Moron Test."

Try to control your jokes. ;)

I have seen this particular game hovering in the top ten for quite a while now but since I KNOW I'm not a moron, I figured it wasn't a game for me.  Last night, I apparently thought it was time to give this moron thing a try.

OH. MY. GOODNESS!

This game is completely, totally, hopelessly addicting! And FRUSTRATING!  With instructions telling me NOT to push the red button that has "continue" written on it in all caps, sneaky directions involving hopelessly cute animals, and wicked fast lightening rounds, I was determined to prove that I was not, in fact, a moron.  (I have much work to do!)
 

At one point, as I was still working on the Moron Test in the early hours of the morning, Hubby rolled over and said, "You have a problem." To which I replied, "I knnnnnow!" But he thought I was being a Fruit Ninja when I was really trying to assert my intelligence in the world of Apps.

A little game that keeps me playing long after the rest of the family is asleep and my eyes are burning with fatigue?  Maybe I AM a moron afterall!

Seventeen In Five Days

Once you came to me to mend your pain, quiet your fears, and shower you with all the love in my heart. It's hard for me now to watch quietly on the edges of you life as you make choices of your own.  I want to prevent any pain from ever reaching you, even though I know that is not possible. I want to give you all the confidence in the world because you truly are beautiful, smart and talented.  And I want to wrap my arms around you, kiss your little nose, and remind you that your mom loves you so very much.

Emily, December 2010

No matter how old you are, or where life takes you, you will always be my little girl.

Emily Nicole in the First Grade and in the Tenth Grade

Dear Cancer, I Truly Despise You

January brought me one of the brightest lights of my life.  On January 10th, seventeen years ago, my beautiful Emily Nicole was born.  I am holding on tight to those feelings of joy and accomplishment, even as a family who is dear to us is preparing for their final Earthly goodbye to their beloved daughter, only one year younger than my Emily. I wish I could find a way to reconcile these feelings in my heart.

Ache doesn't come close. Agony seems so paltry. Where is the fairness in this???

I am calling on all of you in the blogger-verse to please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. And every other second of every day... keep your family close.  NEVER miss an opportunity to show your love and affection. Kiss them, love them, tell them goodnight... None of us know how long this Earthly journey will last so make the most of every single breath. 

Madeline Slaughter's story

Happy New Year! Our Year In Review

~ Memory is not so brilliant as hope, but it is more beautiful,

and a thousand times more true. ~ 

I was not sad to bid farewell to 2009- it had been a terrible time for my family; a time of loss, unimaginable pain and seemingly endless sorrow. One year ago, we stood on the threshold of 2010 and welcomed it with open arms and I am happy to say that we were not disappointed, in spite of the gut-wrenching loss that we faced right out of the gate.

In January, my sweet Emily turned 16, Hubby and I celebrated 7 years of being married as best friends, and I was heading into my third month of working for OHSU. But the biggest impact was saying our final goodbye to Grandpa Robinson. (I'm crying at the computer just thinking about it.) Although we knew we have two of the best Guardian Angels there ever were, we selfishly wished for more time with our dear grandparents.

February went a little easier on us with the only major event being TWO teenage daughters attending the Sweetheart's Dance.  There were dresses to buy and plans to make. We brandished curling irons and hairspray with determination as we helped the girls primp for their big night. I remember falling into the couch in a tired sort of shock once they were gone... wondering if that really just happened. I still feel bad that I called Emily's date by Madi's date's name.  Oops! It would have been the perfect time to grab a movie and veg for a few hours, except that was also the month that Hollywood Video ditched us and believe me when I say that I still long for the days when we could go browse for videos or games on Saturday afternoons.  Netflix just isn't the same. 

Our spring fever ramped up in March and April until we nearly couldn't stand it anymore. We fenced in our garden and took the girls on a chilly camping trip to Moab. Grilling, camping and gardening are some of our all time favorite activities and last spring we were happy to be out in the sunshine! I'm already looking forward to spring, 2011!

When May arrived, so did the truck packed with brightly colored flowers for the sitting garden. My sweet family prepped and planted the sitting garden with me for Mother's Day. Working outside with my family and grilling afterward is my idea of Heaven. Bring it on! 

In June Bill turned 40, we grilled a LOT, and we took the girls to The Big Island with great hopes for a wonderful vacation. We did have fun there, but we also had tremendously bad luck. Six of us got food poisoning, Bill was transported to the hospital via ambulance when he dove into the shallow end of a pool, and I lost my memory card with ALL of my pictures on it.  SUPER SAD FACE! If you ever go to Hawaii, do yourself a ginormous favor and do not put a lava rock pebble in your pocket. We are so superstitious now when it comes to the Volcano gods. (We put the rocks back before we left.)

July brought a chilly camping trip to Bear Lake  with Tyler's family along for the fun (Have I mentioned how much we love the outdoors?), Mom and Dad's birthdays and more grilling of course! We also managed to help a stranger in need at the parking lot of the grocery store on a particularly hot afternoon. Our summer was in full swing and we were lovin' it! 

Every summer has to come to an end, and August is a tough one for us because it means that Ashley goes back to Georgia and school will soon start up again. Last August was particularly difficult because it marked one year without Grandma. Ouch.  I needed something uplifting to hold onto, so I decided to throw a back to school party for all the special little ones in my life who were preparing for another school year. We had a blast and as a side note, I highly recommend bubbles for any occasion!  

September closed the book on parenting little girls because Abby and Linzie were officially teenagers. I love being Mom to this tribe of girls! Every day they teach me something new and I am rarely disappointed in any of them. No longer children, they are inching toward adulthood and my life is constantly changing! 

One of the highlights of my year... and possibly my life... was the trip I took with Mom to Massachusetts in October. I loved spending time with my beautiful Great Aunt Dottie and soaking up the atmosphere back there. I truly felt like I was home! If I could pack up my family and move there then I would in a heartbeat! Now there isn't a day that goes by without thoughts of Dottie and Massachusetts. I am so thankful that Mom included me on her trip and I sincerely hope I can go back there soon. 

November and December brought shoulder surgery for Hubby and unexpected financial hardship to my family, but we're a strong family and it will take more than than one evil woman to bring us down. We banded together as usual and dished out extra kindness at every opportunity.  Have I told you how amazing my family is?  My girls know the true value of life and the financial burdens did not dampen their spirits in any way.  Each time I found myself struggling with feelings of guilt over the finances, my girls would put their arms around me and lovingly reassure me that everything was going to be fine. I am so blessed.  There was no shortage of love, laughter, playful banter and Christmas projects around our home this year and my girls never failed to spread their happiness and pure joy.  How awesome is that!  Carley and Madi also turned eighteen on the 18th.  Sweet!  I adore these girls with all my heart! 

This New Year's Eve we had a lovely dinner at Mom and Dad's and managed to snag two extra girlies to bring home with us. We danced and sang all the way home with Ella and Brecklyn squeezed in among our five  and the laughter was so pure and wonderful! (Madi was at work and we missed her terribly!) Later, we laughed ourselves sick over a fun game of Pictionary Man. Our cheeks and sides hurt from laughing so hard over the images drawn and the outrageous guesses that were blurted out. Man oh man was it fun!   But the best part... the happiest magical moment... was when all those little girlies went out on the front porch, at the stroke of midnight, and shouted "Happy Birthday Brecklyn!" as the rest of the street shouted "Happy New Year!"  Did I mention how awesome these kids are?  ;) 

2010, I am thankful for the tears which opened our hearts and our minds... even through insurmountable sorrow, because through our pain we are reminded that life is wondrous and beautifully fragile. I am grateful for the trials which make us stronger and help us to appreciate all of the blessings in our lives. As we say goodbye to another year, I promise to remember the lessons learned, the lives lived and lost, and respect the promise of each new day.   Happy New Year!

‎"Perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places." 

♥