Sunday we awoke to a world shrouded in gray, rain falling from clouds as heavy as our own hearts. How appropriate. Grandma would have loved it. There were many shared thoughts, stories and emotions as we prepared to gather as a family to say goodbye. We were hurting in ways we had not experienced before and we held each other up as the day went on.
Just before we left the house, I had the girls stop so I could take their picture. They posed for their mom in spite of how they felt, and even worked up smiles for the camera. Another moment in time, alone with my girls.
Saying goodbye is never easy...
To say our emotions were all over the map would be an understatement. Sunday and Monday we cried, hugged, laughed, loved, sobbed, ached, and gave thanks for the most beautiful and perfect woman any of us ever have -or ever will know.
And we said goodbye.... For the last time.
I didn't take pictures of Bill on either of those days, but I wish I would have. He is my strength, my rock. When I was breaking down, he stood beside me - comforting me and loving me. He never left my side. He was there for our girls and for my extended family as well...offering his love and support. He is truly an amazing man.
The girls missed their first day of school on Monday as we said goodbye to Grandma, and Bill also took the day off. None of us ever gave it a second thought. We were where we needed to be. My family. My love, strength and happiness.
My heart still hurts, and I know now that it always will. I knew as we drove away that I was leaving part of myself behind. We will never get over her passing, never forget her, and there will never be another like her. Our challenge now is to learn to live with the empty space in our lives where she used to be. We talk to her every day, surrounding ourselves with the things she would love... family, music, flowers.. and love.
"Clock's still ticking, life moves on.. the radio still plays a song.. I guess the world didn't stop, for my broken heart.."
The girls started school on Tuesday - Bill and I went back to work. I began the daunting task of trying to catch up one day before the kids returned to Venture. Every now and then, I had to close my office door so I could hide the tears that came over me suddenly. "Normal" had changed, and I was working to adjust.
My girls and school are like peas and carrots. (wink and a nod to Forrest Gump) They go together perfectly. I know that the girls enjoy school and I am happy that they are back in the routines that they love. Every year I look forward to watching them learn and grow. I may not follow them to school with a camera, but I watch carefully as they drive away, and I think of them as the school bus approaches. They grow up too quickly -My little women.
My days continue at a frantic pace, and the girls are getting busier each day as well. As my calendar fills up with various "To Do's" and as I fall asleep (usually sitting up) each night, I know that life goes on... it is the spaces in between that have changed forever.
The quiet moments at the end of the day are filled with gratitude for all life's blessings. Family, Home, Heritage, Love, Dreams, Music, Art, Laughter, and even Tears. For all of this and more, we are forever grateful and will never forget.
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