Juvenile and shallow, I know.
I mean, there are people suffering and dieing in Haiti, there's an endless war going on in Iraq, landslides in LA, a freaking blizzard owning the East Coast, the FBI is warning me about new mortgage scams, Toyota is recalling a gazillion cars(although that one I secretly love because I despise all of those arrogant "My car is greener than yours" stickers in my SUV's face during rush hour!) my taxes need to be filed, and some Utah politician yahoo thinks it would be a great idea to do away with the 12th grade in order to save money! (<-- I think we should start saving money by firing him and putting his salary into public education, but that's just my opinion.) Are you kidding me? No wonder I need a video escape!! We figured out a long time ago that our entertainment dollars are best spent on the mother of all packages at Hollywood Video, the Platinum package. Oh yeah! Platinum. Don't you just love the sound of it? I have happily forked over $40 per month in order to be able to rent any three selections at a time, games included, and be allowed to return them when I darn well feel like it. No joke, we kept the Mario Bros Wii game for 5 weeks around Christmas, took it back for less than a week and then went back for more! Mario and Luigi are currently resting comfortably in our gaming console,thankyouverymuch! Why do we spend $40 per month on a video rental membership? Simple mathematics, folks. To take my family out to a movie would cost $64 dollars at the ticket counter. And that does not even include snacks once you're inside! You can read my rant about that here. Our Hollywood Video membership gives us an all-you-can-view smorgasbord of movies old and new, for the entire family, at a fraction of the cost of going to a theater. Like I said, simple.
So there I was, rental dvds in hand to exchange for today's new releases, when I pull into the parking lot and see this:
WTH?
I'm telling you, I was in shock! There was no break-up letter, no "It's not you, it's me." Just flat out, in my face RELATIONSHIP OVER! How could they do this to me? I was happy with our give and take arrangement. I never missed a payment, I only cheated on them occasionally with Blockbuster, and only then because they didn't carry the oldie I was searching for. Don't they OWE me racks and racks of dvds to choose from?
Can't breathe.
This is a disaster. I have cheated on Hollywood Video with Blockbuster, I admit that. But I don't particularly like Blockbuster. The cheating was out of necessity. I do not want to be a Blockbuster customer! Don't even get me started on Red Box. I do not feel the need to stand in line in the McDonald's parking lot to see if the stupid machine might happen to have something I want to view and then panic about the late fees that I will undoubtedly rack up day after day. And what if I don't exactly know the name of the movie but I can describe the plot and the actors? That stupid red box isn't going to help me with my movie selecting quandary!
*sob*
Today I am hanging my head in sadness and defeat because Hollywood Video broke up with me. I can't go to Netflix either, because every time they accidentally send me someone else's movies, I keep them like the happy toy surprise in a cereal box. I don't want to be the fool that has to pay when someone else keeps my mishandled movies by mail.
Oh yeah, I did just say that.
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