Sunshine and Shadows

"Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest hour, 

but nowhere to be seen at your darkest moments."

I'm bugged. I realize that my stress level has been extremely high lately (and by that I mean for the last month) but today I broke. I have mentioned that Carley has some big news lately and I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't think it was my place... but Carley and I have been talking about it so I think it's ok to say it here... Carley has chosen to be baptized into the LDS church.  Although I have to face some of my old ghosts because of her choice, I understand that it is indeed her choice, and I love her more than I could love anyone or anything that isn't one of my girls. So Carley has my full support. She always has and she always will.

What has me bugged then? People coming out of the woodwork to attend her baptism day when those people seldom have anything to do with our family on any other day. We have extended invitations to these people for our dinner parties, our camping trips, and other celebrations such as graduations and birthdays and the same people are always conspicuously absent from any of our events (and not once have we been invited to do anything with them). We know who won't show up to something we have planned, but most of the time we extend the invitations anyway. Over the years we have come to accept that maybe we aren't up to their standards or maybe they just don't want to have any sort of friendship with us. Needless to say, certain family gatherings always have a chill to them. The fact that these people are now falling all over themselves to attend Carley's baptism adds evidence to the theory that we don't measure up for them. I should be glad that they are supporting my brave girl, but instead we had a conversation tonight about how strange it is that certain people decide to be supportive now.  Strange and fake.

I wish I had the courage to tell them that my family is strong without their support. We have managed as an island of our own creation - our family of eight, with plenty of support for one another and none of us questions the loyalty of any of the others. We show up. We support each other through good times and bad times. We celebrate successes both large and small. And we make sure to let our family members know how loved and appreciated they are. Every day.

Showing up for a church event once does not make you supportive. It makes you fake. We see through the charade and we know that the motive is to be seen by others at the event. If you want to support my family, then do so every day. Support Ashley when she has open heart surgery. Support Madi when she has surgery on her foot. Support Emily's graduation or many artistic talents. Support Abby and Linzie for being named students of the year or show up for one of their concerts and witness their beautiful musical talent. Support Carley for being fantastic and making life altering choices on her own for the past year that had nothing to do with church. What? Too busy to support these other things? Or is it because none of those things involved your church?

I'm sure they will all be there next week, dressed in their fine clothes, congratulating each other for being supportive and gushing about how wonderful Carley is. Yes, she is wonderful. And so are her sisters. It's a shame those fake friends couldn't be bothered to find that out for themselves.