Hoping For A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Allow me to finally clarify what that last post was about. I was struggling with the huge decision of either going to Atlanta when Ashley had her open heart surgery, or staying out of the ex wife drama zone and staying home with my girls. In the end, I went.. but it wasn't without drama before leaving, and it wasn't without drama once I was there. It was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and I'm not sure any of us would handle it the same way again.

Hubby waits by her bedside in ICU, hours after her open heart surgery.

Day three, this girl walked out of the hospital to head home!

But the good news is that Ashley is doing fantastic! You wouldn't guess this girl had her chest opened a matter of weeks ago. She was showing us her tough side hours after surgery and she continues to amaze us every day. I do wish her mother wouldn't be so neurotic though. There were moments when Hubby and I couldn't believe the things she would say or do. Poor Ashley! She has to live with constant paranoia created by her own mother. I wish it could be different, but I have no say in it and that is one of the major reasons for the huge struggle I have where Ashley is concerned.



Now it's time for the other hard part. The work grind to pay back the time and money I used to go to Atlanta. It's tough! Even my girls are making sacrifices as we stay home instead of doing fun summer things, and I give up weekend after weekend to pay back work hours. It's not fun for anyone. 

You know the saying, "When it rains, it pours?" We found out last week that Madi has to have surgery to remove cysts or tumors from her foot. We won't know what they are exactly until after the lab results come back following the surgery.  I know what you're thinking.....Really?? Can't we just get a friggin' break? Nope. I swear if we didn't have bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.  Madi's surgery is scheduled for Tuesday and I gave up more weekends to make sure I can be there with her. I sure hope she lets me know what time the surgery is though because I had a harsh reality check when the surgical center refused to talk to me because she is nineteen. *SLAP!*  That's what that particular phone call felt like.  My girl graduates and I get a little teary but I handle it ok.. she is out late working or hanging out with friends and I find a way to manage.. but some desk nurse says she can't talk to me about my own daughter???  This, folks, is where I fell to pieces! She really is an adult and I really need to step back. How to make that transition though is another matter entirely. She still lives in my house so I'm still the parent. Right?

Carley is also making BIG HUGE FREAKING DECISIONS all on her own and I have to swallow that panic about 200 times every day. It's not my news to reveal though so I can't go into detail here. I never envisioned this path for her, having left that particular path behind in my own life a long time ago,  but I support her choosing her own way and I hope for the strength to be ok with it in my own head.

A therapist would have a field day with me.. not even kidding!

If you see me and my eyes are all watery and my nose is red, don't worry. Life is kicking my butt right now but Hubby tells me it has to get better sometime in the future. And I've got my Littles here taking excellent care of their teary mother as well.

It's good to cry, right?